


After Dark

by Elesey



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: AU, F/M, First Contact War, OC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:22:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elesey/pseuds/Elesey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Young Shepard gets captured during her first assignment and in the base she meets Garrus Vakarian. She struggles to survive and he – struggles to make the right choices. A very dark First Contact War AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A fill for kmeme: 

"AU First Contact War where the humans and the turians are still fighting.

Shepard is 18, has just enlisted and gets shipped out. Everyone else on her team is killed (she is not the Commanding Officer) and she is taken prisoner by a group of turians.

The Commanding Officer of these turians is a sick bastard who likes raping the humans he catches alive, cue someone else stepping in to stop him, however the CO basically says, 'If I don't fuck her, you will.' Since the turian trying to save Shepard is outnumbered there aren't any other options.

My first choices for the one saving Shepard would be Saren, Garrus, or Nihlus, however AA can use anyone they want.

Extra major bonus points if Shepard gets Stockholm syndrome towards the turian who 'saves' her, and the turian feels guilty and tries to help her afterward that would be just awesome."

There will be a lot angst, raping and it’s a dark story in general. 

*****

"Shit, shit, shit," Shepard cursed diving into cover behind a tree as bullets ripped through the empty space where her head had been seconds before. When the shooting stopped she risked a look around the trunk. The forest obscured her view of the base and she couldn't see anyone, but the turians were there, waiting for her to show up. 

This was not how the mission was supposed to go. She was a part of a group of scouts sent to investigate the disappearance of the previous one two weeks ago. They were on a small garden planet far away from the front lines of the war. The Alliance wanted to build a storage facility here, but there was information that the planet had once belonged to the turians, though it seemed forsaken when humans first turned their attention to it. 

Of course now Shepard knew otherwise. It was clear what had happened to the scouts that were sent here before them: the same thing that had happened to her team. Turians had sensors planted around the base and knew instantly about their presence. They took them out one by one and now she was all that was left. This was her first appointment, straight out of boot and it seemed she wouldn't live much past it. Shepard tried desperately to contact someone, anyone, even though she knew it was pointless - she could hear only static in her ear. The rest of the scouts were dead. She had counted every dying gasp and the long range communications were blocked by something in the base. 

Shepard felt sudden regret for the life she wouldn't live. She would never get a promotion, never feel the sweet taste of victory, never fall in love, never have a family. She joined the military because she wanted to start a new life and already had planned her future, but now… 

She shook her head. This wasn't the time to get depressed. She was still alive, still capable of fighting. All she needed to do was get back to the shuttle only a few klicks from her current position. She looked behind her and then again to the base. There was no movement or sound around her. The turians were probably closing on her position. She needed to go. 

Shepard turned around and ran. Still, there was not one shot from the enemy. She dove into cover and scanned her surroundings again. Damned trees were obscuring the view from all sides. Of course they hid her as well, but if she continued to move almost blindly in what she thought was the right direction, she might very easily run into the hands of her opponents. She decided to veer left in case they waited in ambush ahead of her. Shepard wouldn't give them the pleasure of cornering and killing her easily. If she didn't manage to return, she'd at least take as many turians to the grave with her as she could. 

When she stopped to scan her surroundings again, she felt something hard and cold hit her skull. It wasn't enough to make her pass out, but the pain and dizziness made her drop to her knees. Someone stood before her and took away her gun. She heard others approach. Shepard was too stunned to count how many was surrounded her; without raising her head she saw three pairs of legs. If she was still alive, it meant they'd take her as a prisoner. She knew from the stories there were two kinds of turians – those who would treat her well and those who would torture her for information. She silently prayed for the first kind.

 

"A human female, no wounds," one of them said, leaned down and pulled her hair to look at her face. "The commander will be pleased. In more ways than one."

There was sound similar to a chuckle and everything faded to black. 

*** 

Garrus was lying on his bed, eyes wide open despite the weariness. He hadn't slept well for the past two days and it seemed nothing would change on the third. He felt disgust, anger, hate at everything – this place, the turians in the base, himself for his helplessness, fate for sending him here, and the fact that people like those he was surrounded by existed at all. It was just bad luck he ended up on this planet at all. A mistake in the system – someone put his name in the wrong column and instead of being transferred to the front lines, he was sent to some backwater planet, a place that was now his worst nightmare. 

If he could send a transfer request again it would probably take at least two weeks to crawl up the chain of command. Not that he was allowed to communicate with anyone outside the base. He was stripped of all technology and locked up in an empty cabin for what he saw, heard and refused to accept. 

At first it seemed like any other outpost at the edge of the galaxy. The only thing that stood out was his comrades – more than few had rather famous family names. His days were boring and with no action at all. Patrolling the perimeter, making sure humans hadn't found the base, checking the defense and surveillance systems, then sleep. It was again just bad luck he had stumbled upon what happened there at night. He just couldn't sleep and wanted to take a walk…

When he walked in the mess hall three days ago, the scene before him made him stop in his tracks. For a moment he just stood there at the door, unable to move. Then he thought he was dreaming, had fallen asleep on his cot while playing around with his omnitool. It was the only logical explanation, except he couldn't wake up. 

There was a human on a table, a female – he knew the basic differences in their species. She was naked, her hands tied to the table's legs, lying on her stomach and their base commander was fucking her. Raping her. She had dark red wounds and cuts all over her body; some were seeping blood that trickled down her pale skin. Others had scabbed over. This wasn't the first time the human was going through this. The woman was sobbing, crying like an asari would in distress, her hands clutched in fists as if that would lessen the pain.

"Please," he heard the distinct sound of a human voice, his translator immediately changing her words into his own language. 

That broke him free from his stunned state. Without even thinking he lunged forward through the crowd of his comrades, watching the scene like it was some sort of sick performance. He had no idea on how he'd get her away from the base or even out of this room. All he knew was that he had to get the female free, stop her suffering and kill the man raping her and anyone who'd stand in his way. There was no room in his brain for thinking or planning. Every cell of his body filled with disgust and rage. It didn't matter that they were at a war with the humans, that he himself had killed many on the battlefield and thousands of turians had fallen by their hands. No living being deserved treatment like this.

But he didn't even get to the table before countless three fingered hands grabbed him and halted his run. He was forced on his knees, arms held behind his back. Everyone's attention was turned to him, even commander Avitus turned his head to look at what the fuss was about, but didn't stop fucking the human. His expression changed from clear enjoyment to something sly as he regarded Garrus' fury. 

He sped up his thrusting and closed his eyes. A groan escaped him as he stopped to finish inside her. He stayed like that without moving for a moment, then stepped back and turned to Garrus. He walked slowly, limbs heavy from his recent exertion, his mandibles lowered in a turian grin. He was dressed in casual clothes, but he hadn't bothered to put his spent member inside his pants, waiting for it return back behind his plates. He stopped a few steps in front of the younger turian. 

"Vakarian, I'm surprised you decided to join us," Avitus said as if he had walked in on a game and not a rape. 

Garrus couldn't find the words to reply, torn between curses and threats. He had never been this angry before, never had felt so much hate. He tried to break free of the hands holding him, tackle the turian before him and break his neck. But the grips were too strong and all he managed to do was almost dislocate his shoulder when, he surged forward with all his strength, while his arms stayed where they were held. The commander laughed at his futile attempt, earning an angry snarl from him.

"What's the matter? You don't like what you see? Feel sorry for that dirty creature?" he asked, squatting down to eye level.

"You disgusting, sick, wretched piece of shit," he growled. "Free me and I'll show you exactly what I think."

"That won't be necessary, you're our guest tonight," he straightened and waived one of his men closer. Only now did Garrus look around at the other turians. Everyone who lived on this base was present; some were just watching, others had their cocks out, jerking off to the sight of the abused human. "Enjoy the show."

Lieutenant Tallus came forward. Garrus had a very bad feeling. He disliked the man from the moment he first saw him. The turian had scars all over his face, and he didn't respect anyone except the commander. He tried to pick a fight when in a bad mood and told the cruelest jokes when feeling good. Garrus heard the human whimper and looked at her again. 

"No, please not him," horror contorted her features even as sweat and tears soaked face. She tried to move away, but was tied firmly to the table. "I'll do anything, please, just not him."

Garrus felt a new wave of anger build inside him. "Touch her and you'll die," he promised, his voice full of venom. "I'll kill you even if it'll be the last thing I do."

Turians around him laughed. Avitus went to the female and turned her over so that now she was lying on her back. He forced her thighs open to display her sex to everyone present. His seed, mixed with her blood, was slowly flowing from her opening down to the table.  
"What a nice view, don't you think Vakarian?" he asked, running a finger over her folds, coating it in their mixed fluids, then lifted his hand to her face and pushed it inside her mouth. Garrus hoped she'd bite his finger off, but she didn't, probably afraid of punishment. "Humans are only good for one thing."

Garrus turned his face away. He didn't want to humiliate the woman any more than she already was, but someone grabbed his fringe and made him watch. He cursed, shouted all insults he could think of, but it only seemed to amuse them. Avitus stepped aside and gestured for Garrus' captors to bring him closer. He swore and resisted uselessly. Something was shoved between his teeth to shut him up. From his new position he could see her whole body, every scar and bruise on her skin, and worst of all her face and eyes, damp with tears that never ceased to flow down her cheeks. They regarded him with desperation, begging silently to help, to end her suffering. Garrus closed his eyes, he knew that look was forever burnt into his memory. 

A weak scream from her made him regard the human again. Tallus had pushed his cock inside her and was thrusting with force that made her whole body rock. She tried to move, to get away from him, but the turian was holding her hips down firmly to the table. His talons were digging deep into her flesh, blood seeping from the punctures. She was groaning from pain with every push he made, but that seemed to turn him on more, his hips moving against hers harder and faster. Garrus wanted to close his eyes again, but felt the coldness from a gun under his chin.

"Watch," the commander said in the cruelest tone Garrus had ever heard anyone use. He obeyed, promising quietly a slow, painful death to this monster and all turians in the room. 

Tallus, in the meantime, had moved one of his hands up to her chest and dragged his razor sharp talons over her soft skin, leaving deep cuts. The human screamed again from the pain. 

"Stop," she cried. Nobody paid any attention to it. The turian leaned down, nipping hard over her breast, then shoulder, up to her neck. He bit down hard, climaxing at the same time. The human stiffened from the pain going limp as the life ebbed from her body. Tallus straightened with blank expression only to be hit in the head by the commander, the force knocking him off his feet. 

"Idiot," he growled, kicking him in ribs. "How are we going to have fun with her if she's dead? Want to take her place?"

Tallus hid his face while clutching his side and gasping from pain. 

"Clean this up," he commanded others. "Take Vakarian to an unused room and make sure there isn't anything left he could use to get out."

Afterwards he was shoved in an empty quarters at the far side of the base, stripped of his armor and omnitool. He stood for a long time, his mind refusing to believe that what he just witnessed was real. Later he took the hottest shower possible, hoping the heat and water would wash away some of the memories and emotions, but they didn't. The silence in the room made the screams in his head louder. Whenever he closed his eyes, he could see the human, bleeding and crying, begging for him to save her.

It didn't stop in the days that followed. He could barely sleep. Nightmares haunted him every night. The food that was brought to him only made him sick. He spent his days trying to come up with a plan how to get out, to contact someone, or sometimes how to punish the turians in this base. Thinking about taking their lives with his own hands helped. He wouldn't let his anger die, his hate overriding any hint of regret, fear or compassion. Scum like that deserved only death. He'd love to send them to a place where they'd get raped and tortured so they'd know how that female felt. 

Garrus studied the fresh wound he'd taken after a failed attempt to overcome one of his captors. He couldn't sit around, accepting his fate. He knew they'd kill him soon enough and if he hadn't managed to escape by then he planned to take as many bastards to hell as he could. They may have taken away his weapons, but he still was one of the best at hand to hand combat. 

He heard footsteps approaching his room, more people than usual. So they finally decided to get rid of him. He rose from his bed and stood in the center of the room. When the door opened, he didn't attack right away, but let them approach him instead. They looked at him carefully trying to read his intentions before moving closer. He tried to look defeated and miserable – he was never good at that, but the turians seemed to believe his act. He lunged forward, catching the one closest to him by his fringe and turning his head until he heard his neck snap. Then, without pause he was on the next one. Garrus landed a hit at his throat and a swept at his legs before he could block him. He was about to deliver a finishing blow when a concussive round hit Garrus in the chest and threw him to the other end of the room. 

Someone yanked him up painfully by fringe. Another turian restrained him, cuffing his hands behind his back. 

"You're lucky the commander wants you unharmed or I'd cut you in pieces myself," the one behind him snarled. Garrus threw his head back sharply and felt his fringe hit his face. It hurt like hell, but the cry from the other turian made it worth it. Garrus got a punch to his stomach for that and was roughly shoved out in the corridor. They had to drag him forward, but he didn't stop resisting for a second. 

They lead him back to the mess hall. The sight of the room made him feel nauseous as the memories of what happened there the previous time came back. Just like before everyone was there, except for a human prisoner chained to a table. Avitus was sitting on one in the middle of the hall. Garrus would have laughed at the dramatic setting if he wasn't walking towards his death in the room from his nightmares. He noticed Tallus standing next to the wall. He looked like he had been beat up rather badly. Maybe Avitus actually used him instead of the dead human. The thought made him almost glad. Garrus shuddered. He was becoming like them already.

"He killed Rullus and wounded Varro," the turian behind him spat, pushing Garrus on his knees.

"Garrus, Garrus, that's not how good kids behave," commander chastised mockingly. "I'll have to punish you later."

"Just kill me already, we both know that's why I'm here," he said sharply. 

"No, what I have in mind is much more fun," the older turian chuckled. "Vakarian is such an honorable name. Your father is a rather famous investigator, isn't he? I bet he raised you with strong morals and sense of justice. I bet you want to rip my heart out for what I did to that human."

Garrus didn't answer. He didn't want to know what that sick bastard had come up with now. 

"I was thinking, since our dear Tallus broke our toy, we need some new entertainment," Avitus stood up and walked up to him. "Imagine how fun it would be to break someone like you. But today something great happened. Another group of human scouts were captured and we have a new prisoner, so I decided to double our entertainment. Watch you turn into one us and get a good show of you using the pyjack."  
Garrus couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was like time had stopped the moment the commander finished his sentence. As if it wasn't bad enough to watch others rape someone and be unable to do anything, but to actually hurt another person like that… he couldn't. He never would. He'd rather die. 

The leader gestured to the turians next to the door as Garrus remained silent, still too shocked to even form words. Two turians brought in the new human, another female, her hands cuffed behind her back. He immediately noticed the differences from the dead one. Her fringe was a different color and length. She didn't have armor on, the human was stripped to her undersuit. But the biggest difference was her expression, her eyes. He was by no means an expert on human faces, but what he saw there – defiance, anger, hate – those were the emotions he knew all too well. 

Avitus straightened and went to the woman. He studied her carefully, but when he took hold of her chin and jerked her face upright she spit in his eye. He grabbed her roughly, talons digging in her skin, and drawing blood. The human didn't even flinch from pain. 

"You're lucky, Vakarian. This one is rather good looking. Trust me, I have some experience," he chuckled at his own admission. "And young. Maybe you'd even be her first."

His statement was met with laughter from his men. They actually thought raping an innocent girl was funny. Garrus started to feel sick. 

"I'm not doing it," he said, trying to put every bit of disgust he felt in his voice.

The commander turned his attention back to him. "I know your kind. Always acting like some sort of hero, protecting the innocent and hurting only the bad guys. Your wish to save everyone is your biggest weakness and you'll understand why. That human," he gestured to the woman, "she will be yours. No one else will touch her, well, unless you cause us problems. As long as you obey me it stays like that, but for every mistake you make she will feel the consequences. Like now – if you refuse to fuck her, I'll have to give her to someone else. Tallus has been a very good turian for the past few days, he deserves some reward."

Garrus looked at the turian sharply, the image of the dead human before his eyes. He'd do almost anything so that he wouldn't have to watch that again. The thought of forcing himself on her made him feel like he was asked to kill her. But what were the alternatives? Tallus wouldn't hold back, he'd hurt her and maybe even kill her. He could at least try to save her from unnecessary pain or death. Turians could recover from rape, maybe humans could as well if she somehow got out. But the price for her life – it would be his own. He knew if he laid a hand on her, he'd live out his remaining days hating himself. 

"How do you expect me to do it? I'm not some filthy bastard who gets turned on by this," he spat.

"Don't worry about that," he answered. He put his hand in his pocket and drew out a bottle of pills. "These will get you out of your plates and hard."

Someone behind him removed the handcuffs and he stood up. Garrus looked at his outstretched hand and the object in it. If he took it, it would mean he agreed to become Avitus's puppet. He was sure this night would be only the beginning. He could make him do things he couldn't even imagine. Garrus looked at the human. If only he could ask her, leave the decision to her, maybe he could afterwards tell himself that he had no choice and that she agreed to this. 

She was held by two guards, her chin up, looking over the small crowd of turians, refusing to meet their eyes or show fear. His only hope was that she'd be strong and would endure the abuse until he'd find a way out.  
He took the bottle, opened it and swallowed a pill. Commander Avitus looked pleased. 

"Very good, Garrus," he said, stepping aside. "Now go to your human and undress her."

Garrus clenched his fists so hard his talons dug in his skin, but obeyed. He went to her and she looked at him with hate. The two turians were now holding her by her arms, handcuffs removed from her wrists. He had no idea what to do. He studied the dark cloth carefully, but there were no clasps or anything, like it was her second skin and wasn't supposed to be removed. 

"There's a small piece of metal on her back, pull it down," Avitus told him. Garrus slowly went behind her as if pain and suffering awaited him there. He could see everyone present over her head, their hungry glares. Some were stroking their plates through pants to loosen them, preparing for action. He looked down and took the small clip in his fingers and dragged it across her back revealing her skin. He saw the human shudder. 

Garrus carefully pealed it off her shoulders, trying not to touch her. One of the guards released her arm so Garrus could pull it out of the sleeve, but the moment it was free, the human used his hesitation and elbowed him in the stomach, the same place he was hit earlier. The pain had him bent over and gasping. Their sick audience laughed. 

The human was quickly caught again and Garrus decided to hurry up. Better to get it done faster and let it be over. He pulled off the cloth from her other arm and legs while holding her limbs so that she wouldn't hit him again. Part of him wished she'd just break free and kill him or beat him until the only thing he'd feel and could think of was pain.

With the undersuit gone, she still had pieces of fabric around her hips and chest. 

"Cut them off, she won't need them anymore," he heard the commander say and handed him a combat knife. He placed it carefully under one shoulder strap and pulled, cutting it in half. Then he did the same to the other one, the wider piece on her back and the sides of the garment on her hips. The human was standing in the middle of the mess hall completely naked now. Garrus threw the knife away, dreading what he'd be ordered to do next. 

Avitus walked around her, studying her body: "Very nice, just my type. Too bad I already promised her to you." He stopped before her, two turians still holding her arms and Garrus standing behind her. "Touch her, see how soft her skin is." 

Garrus put his hands on her sides, barely grazing her, but Avitus grabbed his wrists and pushed them firmly against her. Then he proceeded to drag their hands to her front and up slowly, watching the human's body intently as if he was stroking her, but for some reason he kept his word and didn't touch her. He led Garrus' hands over her breasts slowly, then back down to her hips and her ass. 

The commander pulled one of his hands to her front and pushed it against her lower belly. 

"Stroke with your finger between her legs. Find her opening and push it inside her. It's time to get acquainted," he said and Garrus tried to pull away his hand on instinct, but Avitus grip was too strong. "If you're so unwilling, there are plenty of others who'd do to her whatever I tell them."

Garrus gave him most hate filled glare he could and brushed his finger over her sex. Her skin there was just as smooth and soft as everywhere else. The other turian let go of his hand and stepped back to watch. His next stroke parted her folds. As gently as he could he rubbed his finger against her, turning his hand to access more. The only indication that the human felt anything was her slightly faster breathing. When he found her opening, she tensed, drawing her thighs closer together and trapping his hand. But her hold wasn't strong enough. Garrus pushed his finger inside her slowly and carefully. She was so tight and tensed up he was afraid he'd cut her with his talon. 

"Start moving," the commander ordered and he obeyed. He didn't push it inside her completely, only to the second joint, then pulled back and repeated. They couldn't see how deep he went from where they stood anyway. He didn't know what to expect, he could feel the texture of her inner muscles and that there was a bit of wetness, but he didn't want to think about. He just wished this would end. 

Garrus could feel the pill taking effect. His plates had shifted and his member was pressing against the fabric of his pants hard and ready. The process itself had been uncomfortable, there was a lack of the natural lubricant usually coating his cock because he wasn't aroused. Fucking the female would be painful for him, but that seemed only appropriate. 

"Enough," Avitus said, apparently getting bored. Garrus retreated immediately. "Bend her over the table, I'll hold her down. I want to see her face. Garrus, it's time to work."

Guards had to drag her where the commander was sitting when he was brought in. She resisted as much as she could. They pushed her chest down on the surface and Avitus pinned her outstretched arms by forearms. He squatted down to get a better look at her face and told Garrus without glancing at him: "Start."

He moved behind her like he was approaching his own grave, though for his morals it wasn't far from that. He undid his pants and pulled out his member. He spread her legs with his knee, bent over her and positioned his cock against her opening. He rested his chin on her shoulder, his mouth next to her ear. She smelled salty. He thought he could hear her heart racing, but maybe it was his own.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered and pushed inside her slowly. 

The human stayed quiet. He was thankful for that, he didn't think he could bear two voices screaming, pleading in his mind. But it didn't make raping her much easier. He felt like he was one the bastards surrounding them, like he was worse than them because they were just standing there, some masturbating, but only he was causing her pain. He was trying to be as gentle as possible and he had straightened up so that only their lower bodies touched, his hands on the table, but he could still feel her whole body resisting the intrusion. 

"Come on, Vakarian, you can do better!"

"Show her what a turian fuck feels like, make her scream!"

"You heard the audience," Avitus said, looking up to him.

Garrus thrust harder inside her and the human jerked. He picked up the pace, but not as much he knew the others wanted. Fucking was becoming more uncomfortable every moment. At least she was soft. He didn't want to think what Tallus would do to her insides with his big cock and hard thrusting. He remembered the blood seeping from the previous human and prayed that they don't make him go any harder on this one. 

He didn't know how long it was. Every minute seemed like an hour. At some point Garrus had closed his eyes. He couldn't bear to look at the other turians enjoying the rape, Avitus watching the human's face with interest and delight or her naked, strained body. The effect of the pill wasn't wearing off, he was still as hard as he had been when they started. The medicine was apparently a strong one, he could probably continue after getting off once. Not that it was possible now. He felt nothing but repulsion towards the act. 

"That's enough for tonight, Garrus," at last he heard Avitus voice. Garrus opened his eyes and stepped back immediately. The commander let the previous two turians hold the human again while he closed his pants, the rough cloth pressing against his member painfully.

"Good job," Avitus praised. "Since you did everything I told you to, you've earned an award – you can return to your quarters and move around the base freely, but no going outside. I haven't forgotten what you did before. I can't let you think that you can get away with anything just by fucking a human."

He gestured to the turians behind him and they grabbed his arms to hold him in place. Avitus took the knife Garrus had used to cut the female's clothes. He walked over to her; she was still lying on the table. 

"I've always wondered why humans and asari have five fingers, most of the species manage with only three quite well," he said, spreading her smallest finger aside from the rest. "I'll just take one for every man you hurt tonight."

"No," Garrus shouted, trying to break free. "I did it, punish me. She's been hurt enough."

"But that's the point," he answered, position the knife. Garrus could see the fear on her face as tried to break free, but the grip on her hands was too strong. Her whole body was shaking from the effort. "If I did something to you, it wouldn't matter, your wounds would heal and you'd do it again. But the guilt won't fade so easily. I already told you – your wish to save and protect is your weakness."

He didn't wait for Garrus to respond, to protest or beg, just slammed the knife down, cutting of her finger at the base. That broke the human's silence. The first time Garrus heard her voice was as she screamed from pain. Avitus quickly moved to her other hand and cut off her other little finger. Then he ordered the guards to take her back to her cell, naked and bleeding, and gestured the turians holding Garrus to release him. He almost attacked the commander, but stopped himself at the last moment, steps from him. 

"See – you're already learning," Avitus laughed and walked past him towards the door. "You have to take care of the human yourself, getting her water, food – unless you'd like her less fleshy."

Everyone else followed him, except for Garrus. He was standing in the middle of the room shaking, his hands balled into fists, waiting for his anger to fade at least a little. When he finally turned around, he was alone. He let his feet take him to his room while his mind tried to fight the memories of everything that had happened. But it was impossible. It all came back at once when he entered his room.

The first thing he did was throw up what little there was in his stomach. The images of the female's naked body on the table and her disfigured hands were before his eyes, her scream in his ears. He could feel her cool, soft skin under his fingers. His member, still hard, ached. Human males were either self-lubricating as well or less sensitive. Or there was some other explanation why fucking her left him almost raw. 

He moved to his shower. The base was big, but the number of turians stationed here was small so each had decent quarters with bathroom. He crawled inside with his clothes still on and let the cold water wash over him. Garrus could no longer hold back the wail. He was so sorry for what he had done, for raping the human and her being punished for what he'd done. For listening to Avitus orders. It was so unfair to him, to her. Even if they got out of here somehow, how would he live after doing that to someone? 

The cold water made his limbs insensible and cleared his mind a little after a while. He turned off the water, stepped out of the shower and removed his soaked clothes leaving them on the floor. He quickly changed in to his light armor. The human was alone, bleeding and probably cold while he was sitting around feeling sorry for himself. He took one of his tunics with him – Garrus doubted anyone would return her undersuit. 

From his room he moved to the kitchen. He found levo field ration packets for asari and salarians – those were in every turian base, just in case. He took ten portions– he had no idea how much humans ate, as well as a bottle of water. Then he went to the med bay. Somehow being busy, kept his mind from returning to that night's events. But not completely. He still felt like a piece of shit. 

In the infirmary, he was taking a blanket off the bed when he noticed someone sleeping at the far end. Varro, the turian he almost killed when they came after him. He was unconscious and there was no one else in the room, the doctor probably was sleeping in his own quarters. Garrus continued to gather what he needed – bandages, antiseptic, some painkillers suitable for all species. He was no medic, he had no idea what else he could take that wouldn't make the human feel worse. He put all things in a pile with the food and blanket and went to the sleeping turian. 

There was a bandage over his throat were he had struck him, the force probably did quite the damage if he was in the sick bay instead of his own room. Next to his bed was a syringe and a bottle of very strong pain medicine. Garrus recognized this one. It was used rarely because it was easy to overdose. He took the syringe and filled it with what was maybe two, maybe ten times the necessary dose to kill a turian and injected it in his neck. He didn't even open his eyes when the needle made contact with his skin. Garrus put everything back the way it was before and left the room with the things he had gathered. He wasn't afraid that he'd get caught. The medicine left little traces and the base didn't have the necessary equipment to detect it. Not that anyone would bother for a scum like Varro. They'd just decide that he died in his sleep and forget about him in a day. 

At least killing him made Garrus feel a bit better.


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard was thrown in the cell like a rag doll by the two turians guards. She could barely hold back a cry of pain when she landed on her hands. They locked the barred door and left her in semi-darkness, the only light shining from the corridor. She slowly propped herself up on forearms and looked around. It was similar to cells on Earth – a small room with a bed, toilet, bars and grey walls on three sides. She crawled to the bed, took off the sheet with weak and trembling hands to press against her injuries and moved to the furthest corner. She leaned against the wall, pulling her knees close.

Her whole body ached; her head from injuries when she was captured, where the turian had fucked her and where his plates chafed her skin, but most of all the wounds where her fingers had been. They were still bleeding, soaking the cloth and she pressed them against herself to stem the flow of blood.

She wished the pain would stop even if was just for a moment so that she could fall asleep. Even if it would be filled with nightmares, it never hurt in dreams. She knew she wasn't a good person, that she deserved some punishment for things she had done back on Earth in the gang – stole, fought, hurt others. But that's why she joined the Alliance. She hoped that by joining the war she'd redeem herself and earn a new, better life. It looked so perfect in the advertisements – victories and glory, happiness and a future. She probably had missed the warning in the fine print about the possibility of getting captured by aliens, raped and tortured.

But Shepard had never done anything so bad to deserve this. What kind of God would make her go through all that pain and humiliation for doing what she had to back then to survive? She would have cried if it hadn't been years since she last did , if she didn't suspect that there was a guard somewhere near, listening. She wouldn't give them a reason to laugh at her or see her weakness. She knew right away what kind of men these turians were from the way the one who held her down looked at her. They enjoyed seeing their victim broken and begging, they expected that from her. They'd have to do more to turn her into a sobbing mess. The worst part was she knew they'd try.

Her new life had shattered before she had a chance to really experience it. She was thrown back to surviving whatever shit life decided to send her way. At least on Earth no one chopped off her limbs or raped her. Anywhere would be better than here. The ship she was assigned to - if she could choose anywhere to be right now, it would be there with its warm bed, food, kind faces. God, she wanted to go back. Shepard bit her lip. She just wanted to get away from the pain. She tasted blood in her mouth and let go of her lip, concentrating on breathing instead.

She jumped when heard footsteps approaching her cell. The turian who raped her, the one with blue markings was now standing before the bars, just out of her reach, his hands full. He said nothing, just put down his burden and looked around the cell. Shepard felt her anger build and give her strength and she didn't even try to keep it under control.

"Came for the second round?" she asked, glaring at him. "Should have brought your friends. It won't be so easy without someone holding me down."

The turian remained silent, but his attention was now completely focused on her.

"Or maybe you want to cut off more?" she asked coldly, rising her hands for him to see. Her whole body was smeared with her blood – hands, arms, legs, waist. "Don't you turians ever get enough?"

He didn't answer, but turned his head so he didn't have to look at her. Shepard slowly rose up and walked to him. She could feel his hesitation, his weakness.

"Fucking coward, can't even look at what you've done?" she spat. She hadn't been oblivious to what had happened in the mess hall. She saw that this turian was a prisoner himself, that he didn't want to do this, but he had made his choice. He could have refused. It would've probably cost him his life and she still would have been raped by someone else, but she wouldn't hate him. Now, though, it was his face that meant pain and hate. She wanted him to feel bad, to make him hurt like she did. "It's much easier to rape and hurt me when you don't have to look me in the face isn't it?"

He looked miserable, she could tell even though he was an alien. The way he stood, shoulders sagged, hands shaking slightly, his head down and eyes looking anywhere but at her. Why didn't it make her feel better? She felt her blood boil. Shepard wanted to beat him bloody, to get any sound of him. If he laughed at her, threatened her, at least she'd have more reasons to hate him. His silence made her feel helpless.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, she barely heard him.

"Sorry?" she laughed, the sound filled with bitterness. "Sure didn't look that way when you had your cock inside me or when you did everything you were told like a good soldier. Do you get off by being ordered around? Why don't you go bend over for your boss instead of showing your ugly face here?"

The turian took a deep breath, kneeled and put the folded blanket between him and the cell.

"I don't know what your species use, but I brought this in case you're cold," he explained in a voice that made even her feel almost sorry for him. Almost. He proceeded to set his items before her one by one. "Something to wear. It won't fit very well, but it's better than being naked. Bandages and antiseptic for your wounds. Some painkillers. Water and food. If you need anything else, let me know."

Shepard knelt by the bars slowly and picked up the bottle. She threw it awkwardly at him. There wasn't much force in the movement, but it still hit his fringe and rolled a few meters down the corridor. He stood, picked up the bottle, put it where it was before and left.

With him gone there was no one to vent her anger at. She took the antiseptic bottle and poured it on her wounds. It burned, she gasped and felt tears stream down her cheeks. Then she took the bandages and tried to apply them. It was more difficult than she thought it would be. Even though she lacked only her little fingers she was clumsy when tried to hold anything. She examined at her work skeptically when she was done. It looked awful, her first aid instructor would make her redo it, but for now it would have to suffice. Then she took the pain medicine. The bottle had pills, but the turian didn't tell her how many she could take. She decided on three. If she overdosed and died, at least she wouldn't have to go through rape and pain again.

The next thing she picked up was the cloth he left her. It was a dark blue tunic that smelled like him and she tossed it away as far as she could through bars. Still, she was cold so she wrapped the blanket around herself and went to the bed. The pain medicine helped and made her sleepy. Maybe she had taken too much.

Shepard glanced at the water and food. She wasn't hungry. She would like to drink a little though, but she was afraid it was drugged. Becoming a willing, mindless slave that wouldn't even need locking up was the last thing she wanted. She realized that the painkillers might not have been what he said they were, but it was too late now. At least they helped and she drifted off.

Shepard had no idea what time she woke up next day. She remembered she dreamed about the turians, but thankfully nothing specific. Her injuries hurt a lot more than before; she knew from her time on Earth that open wounds hurt the most after sleep. It was like her nerves were on fire and every movement made it worse. She closed her eyes again and took a deep breath, trying to focus on anything but the feeling in her hands.

She stretched them out, away from her chest. It seemed her hands had swollen twice their usual size. She used to have pretty ones with long, agile fingers. There was blood on the bandages and she should probably change them, but Shepard had no idea how to do it. She wasn't sure if she would even be able to hold anything. If only she had had some medigel right after gaining her wounds it wouldn't be this bad now, but the turian had brought only the most basic things. But it wasn't like she could expect anything more; she was just their toy after all.

Shepard heard rustling in the corridor and turned her head to see what was happening. The turian with the blue markings was there again. He had folded and placed the tunic where it was before and brought more water and food. Now he was sitting near the bars, watching her.

"I brought ointment," he said, holding up a tube when their eyes met. "It should help your wounds heal faster."

"I don't need anything from you," she retorted.

"Yes, you do. Just look at your hands," he said, moving closer to the cell. "Come here and I'll help you change the bandages."

"Do you really think I'll ever agree to let you touch me?" she spat, frowning.

"You lost your fingers because of what I did. I just wish to help," the turian answered.

"Then get me out of here," Shepard said, slowly rising up to sit.

"I can't, not now," he answered, looking away.

"Then don't come here saying that you're sorry and you want to help," she said angrily, almost shouting. He jumped slightly at her raised voice.

"Do you really want them to see you sick and weak?" he asked quietly.

No, she didn't want that, she had some pride left and if her life on Earth hadn't taken that from her, the turians wouldn't either. She went to the cell door naked trying not to shiver in the cool air, and stretched her hands out between the bars, hating that she needed his help. But she wanted to survive and get out. To live.

He was as gentle as he could be, but when he peeled off the bandages from her half closed wounds she couldn't keep back a gasp. He applied the gel he had brought; it was cool and took away some of the pain. It was worth agreeing just for this moment alone. When the turian had finished, Shepard went back to her bed and wrapped herself in the blanket. She expected him to leave, but he didn't move from where he stood.

"You should eat and drink, there's no poison in them," he told her.

"Then taste it first," she ordered and to her surprise he actually opened the bottle and drank a bit. Then he tore the package of nutrient paste open and scooped some on his finger. He swallowed it without hesitation. Then the turian just stood there, looking at her again.

"What?" she asked without moving from her spot.

"About yesterday," he said, visibly uncomfortable. "It might happen again tonight."

She didn't reply, she had stopped thinking about it since waking up, but now the memories returned with force. She shook her head, but it didn't help. Shepard had to wonder if there was anything that could make her really forget it. She knew she was alive to be used again, but trembling and thinking about things they might do to her next time really would do more bad than good.

The turian left, probably not wishing to give her a chance to shout and curse at him again. Shepard wasn't sure if she had enough strength to do it, though she wanted to. Instead she went to the bars and took the opened water bottle with both palms, her fingers too swollen to bend properly and put it to her lips. She drank, but with every gulp she only felt thirstier. She stopped when there was less than half left and took the opened food package. Shepard had no idea what she was eating, but it definitely tasted awful. The only thing that made her swallow it was the thought that tonight the turians might do to her something that would make her unable to eat at all.

After her small meal she took more pain medicine and drank the rest of the water. Then she went back to the bed, feeling tired again either from pills or being up. The blanket kept her warm, the only comfort in this hell.

She didn't really fall asleep, instead spending her time in half slumber. It was like her body was resting, but her brain kept working. She heard every noise and couldn't stop her thoughts. After some time she heard footsteps and opened her eyes. Shepard's cell door opened and she rose up to sitting position. Two turians stepped in. She knew them – they took her to the hall and back yesterday and now they were here to do it again. She wanted to fight and resist, but she knew it would be futile, so instead she saved her strength for later. She would need every bit if she wanted survive long enough to find a way out.

They dragged her through the base by her upper arms, because she refused to walk. It felt like anything that made their job easier was the same as agreeing to her torture. When they arrived at the room it was filled with turians again. The turian with purple markings, the one who gave orders and the one with blue were in the center again and she shivered knowing what would follow. She just hoped it would hurt less today.

Things happened faster this time. She was already naked, which saved her from the humiliating undressing that happened before. They had attached a metal bar to the table and one of the soldiers bent her over the table again and locked her wrists roughly with handcuffs around it, making her wince in pain. But this time she was thankful for the uncomfortable feeling in her hands, it would keep her from thinking about what they did to her while she was in this position.

"This time you're going to fuck her for real, no more of that gentle shit you did last night," she heard a voice behind her say. She clenched her teeth. If yesterday could be called gentle, she really didn't want to know what would happen now. "Rub her and yourself with this."

Shepard felt a three fingered hand on her ass and her muscles tensed. A cold, wet finger grazed her sex and when the outer part was coated with what was most likely a lubricant, it was taken away. Next time she felt the touch was when he pushed it slowly inside her. The turian applied it her opening carefully, stretching it slightly at the same time. He tried to massage her lightly to make her relax, but she could still feel his hard talons. They didn't really cut her, but still felt extremely uncomfortable.

He removed his fingers and there was a pause before she felt his hard length against her opening. She tensed knowing what would follow. The turian pushed in slowly, just like previous time, letting her accommodate to his every centimeter. When he was fully inside her, he started thrusting, increasing his pace steadily. Soon he was fucking her fast and hard, his hands on her hips holding her in place. She tried to concentrate on the throbbing pain in her hands and not the fact that she was being raped for the second time. She moved her wrists in the cuffs so that they were cutting in her flesh, letting the agony wash away all her thoughts and emotions.

"It doesn't look like he's enjoying it," someone said behind her. "Let's see if we can change that."

The turian who was fucking her froze. His hands left her hips; he moved them to catch himself as he was shoved down against her back. His natural armor pressed in her flesh uncomfortably and she felt he was trying to resist, to get up again, but couldn't. His head was pressed down next to hers, his chin on her shoulder. He suddenly groaned next to her ear and hips moved against hers, pushing his member further inside her. Shepard couldn't stop a gasp, no one had reached that deep before and the turian had definitely held back before. He hissed and she felt his jaw tense up.

"Move," the order echoed in the room.

He pulled back slowly and when he was half way out, he quickly thrust back again like not being completely sheathed hurt him. His breathing was fast, his body rising with every breath. He repeated the action again and again until he was commanded to go faster. He did and let out another quiet groan that probably was heard by only her. He was fucking her, but not nearly as fast as before.

"Shit!" Shepard heard him curse. "Fuck!"

He had stopped suddenly and she felt something warm drip down on the back of her neck. The turian was pulled off her back and another one released her hands and took her away from the room. She only managed to catch a glimpse of him being held before the turian that gave the orders and heard a bit of their conversation.

"So pain doesn't make you come? We'll find out what does."

"Killing you might."

"Better think of an alternative or…"

The rest was drowned out by the door closing behind them. She was taken to her cell and left there. Shepard touched her back and when she looked at her fingers again they were stained with blue blood. She didn't know how to feel about the turian with blue markings. It was so much easier to think of him as another rapist and bastard who deserved death rather than what had happened tonight, what she hadn't seen. Until now she thought the turians just hated humans for the war and they expressed it by hurting her, but they actually abused one of their own. She didn't want to feel sorry for him, not after everything that he had done to her. The anger she felt and the chance of letting it out against him might have been what kept her sane.

Shepard took her pills and went to bed. Part of her wondered if he would come again tonight and bring her food and water, but at the same time she feared seeing him broken. She wanted to hate him, it was so much easier than confirming that he was another victim and try to forgive. How could she offer comfort when she needed it herself?

If he came that night, Shepard didn't notice. The next day everything looked the same as when she fell asleep. There were no new bottles of water or packs of food, the empty ones were still next to bars where she left them yesterday. Somehow she didn't see him as someone who would come with empty hands just to watch her sleep. The next thought made her shudder. The turians might have kept him in that room after she was taken away and continued with just him. Maybe he was dead and tonight there would be a different turian raping her. If the one with blue markings really did that against his own will, she didn't want to know how it would feel to be fucked by someone who'd actually get off from that.

No one came for a long time. Shepard didn't have a watch to see how much time had passed and she was sure her own senses had been influenced by the pain medicine and having nothing to do. She had changed her bandages herself, the gel the turian had brought did wonders and her hands weren't swollen anymore, though the wounds still hurt a lot. She ate more food than previously, but drank the water only a little since she didn't know when or if she'd get more. Shepard also tried to find a flaw in her cell that would help her break free, but there was none. The door needed an omnitool to open the lock and the rest of bars were reinforced steel.

In the end she went to the bed again. It seemed no one would come for her that night, but she still woke up at every noise fearing that the turians would come to take her for their regular entertainment.

When she could no longer sleep, she got up and paced in her small room. Shepard hated when she didn't know what was happening, what to expect, the anxiety was driving her mad. She was partly frightened and partly relieved when she finally heard footsteps.

She sighed, relaxing a bit when the turian with blue markings slowly came into her sight limping a bit. She couldn't see any damage on his face, the rest of his body hidden under his clothes, but he did look worse than before. He had food and water in his hands that he put down in the usual place. He was looking down the whole time, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Do you need help with the bandages?" he asked.

"No," she answered, not sure how to act. She couldn't find the strength or will to lash out at him.

"Should I bring you anything else?"

"Why do you do this? Why keep coming, bringing me all this, treating my wounds when you know what will happen later?" she asked. It wasn't meant as an attack, but he clearly took it as such.

"Do you really think I'm doing this for my own enjoyment? Trying to keep you alive just to rape you?" he snapped, finally looking at her, his hands clutching the bars. "Why didn't I just let you get raped and killed by Tallus and save myself living though this hell? You're just one fucking human, even if you get out of here you'll probably die in the war. I wish I didn't care, I wish I hadn't met you at all. Fuck, I don't deserve this."

He let go and stepped back. They spent some time in silence, but when he started to speak again, he told her a story about another human that was here before her, how he was forced to look as the others used and killed her and what Avitus wanted from him. And he wasn't even supposed to be in this base.

"Is it so hard to believe that there are turians who have honor?" he asked her. "I just couldn't watch them do that to someone else."

Shepard didn't know how to answer him. What he had told her was awful, but she could believe it after all she had gone through already. She wanted to believe it. God, if it meant that she wasn't alone and that there was a hope that she could get out, she'd believe anything. She was wrong before; hate wasn't the easiest way, this was. Shepard still had doubts that he might be making all that story up so that she wouldn't resist in the future, but right now she was far too desperate to care.

"I'm sorry for…" she started to say, but he stopped her.

"Don't apologize, you haven't done anything wrong."

"Did I make the right choice?" he asked after another pause. "If this is too much I can just… end it for both of us."

Shepard went closer to the bars. "I think I can go for a bit longer."


	3. Chapter 3

Garrus felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders when the human had told him that she wasn't giving up yet. The days were harder and harder to get through and he had meant it when he offered to kill them both. He doubted he could keep going for much longer, unsure if she even wanted to live, and it took great effort for him to simply get out of the bed. Too often he wanted to just die right then and there. But the human had given him back a purpose. 

"Why are they doing this?" she asked.

"Because they're criminal scum," he explained. "There are quite a few turians with prominent family names here. My guess is that they did something against regs in the military, but their families made sure that they don't get court-martialed. No politician wants to be connected to criminals. The military probably decided to send them as far away as they could instead. This base is more like a prison than an outpost."

"How did you get here?"

"I was supposed to serve in a place with very similar name, but someone messed up filling the documents," he answered bitterly. 

There was a pause before she spoke again. 

"Your name is Garrus, right?" she asked and he nodded. "I'm Shepard."

She gave him her name. He couldn't even find the words to explain how much it meant to him. Garrus watched as she took his tunic and unfolded it, studying it. 

"It's too narrow in the waist," she said, giving him the piece of cloth. "Can you do something about it?"

He nodded again and tore the seams on the sides open until she told him to stop. Shepard took it back and he had to help her with the clasps to get it on properly. It was too big for her in the chest and back, and the excessive fabric hung awkwardly. It was too long as well, ending at her mid thighs. The slits on both sides continued barely above her hipbones, but she didn't complain about any of that. She looked strange, but Garrus was thankful he didn't have to see her naked body anymore. 

They didn't speak for a while after that. Shepard ate the food he had brought grimacing and rinsing every bite with a gulp of water. When she was done with the meal, she moved to sit against the wall and watched him. He didn't know how much time they spent like that, but sitting on the cold, hard floor was getting more and more uncomfortable. When he couldn't endure it any longer, he rose up and started to leave, careful not to reveal the back of his head to her.

"When will it happen again?" she asked before he was out of her sight. 

"I don't know," he answered. "They find me when it's time and make sure I… arrive."

He stayed for a moment longer waiting for her to speak again, but when she didn't he left. 

He walked slowly and with smaller steps than usual. His ass hurt, but the pain subsided slowly, reminding him of what happened two days ago. Garrus never had thought he'd get raped. He believed that it would be enough for them to see him suffer by hurting the human. Or maybe it was only a hope – something that he was forgetting what it was like to have. They even made him move against that turian's cock himself like some kind of punishment for what he was doing to Shepard. And when it wasn't enough, the turian had fucked him harder, dragging his sharpened talons over the skin of his neck as he came. Another painful reminder of that night, one that would most likely scar and remain there for the rest of his life. And he hadn't even seen who did it.

Spirits, how it all had hurt that night and the next day. He barely got out of the bed for his basic needs and if it wasn't for Shepard, he'd have stayed there today as well. After all that they'd been through already he wouldn't let her die from starvation or thirst. She was right – as long as they could move and were sane they could keep going. 

He was relieved that Shepard hadn't asked him about that night. He couldn't bear a look of pity, not from her. Maybe she stayed quiet about it because she knew first-hand what it was like to be used and how little someone would want to talk about it. 

Right now Garrus was on his way to the med bay. After killing Varro he had snuck in there only once more for the gel to treat her wounds. He was worried they wouldn't heal properly back then, but this time he was going there for himself. He didn't want to risk infection in his injuries – Garrus was sure there was nothing clean about the turian who left his marks on his flesh. He couldn't afford to get sick.

It was still early in the morning and no one should have been present in the infirmary. The base had a doctor, but turning to him for help would be the last thing he'd do. So far he had managed to avoid running into him by sneaking in during the time he was supposed to be sleeping. No one had questioned Garrus about the missing things, so he felt safe enough to repeat it without extra caution. The medic hadn't noticed or didn't care. 

Garrus opened the door just a little bit and looked inside. He couldn't see the whole room, but there were no sounds or movements. He went inside and straight to the shelf he knew had medicine for open wounds, but before he reached it, he heard the door getting closed behind him. He turned around, ready to defend himself, but the doctor didn't approach. He was just standing there and watching him.

"Sit down, I'll help you," the doctor said, slowly coming closer. 

"I don't need it," he hissed and started walking towards the door. 

"Don't be a fool, you can't fix something like that without seeing it," he stopped him by stepping in his way. Garrus tried to move around him, but couldn't. "You came here because you want to get better. I don't wish you harm, so stop being stubborn and irrational – anything you might try, I can do ten times better."

Garrus hesitated. Part of him wanted to hit the doctor hard enough to crack his plates, and part of him knew what he said was true. He tried to think with cool head, but just seeing a turian from this base made his mind fill with immense anger and hate. It took all his self-control to oppress them. If he was alone in this mess, he'd risk it and leave, but there was another life depending on him. He had gambled enough already by trying to take care of her injuries with his small knowledge. Shepard had two fingers cut off, it was a miracle she could move her hands at all and that the things he had brought helped.

Garrus balled his hands into fists and slowly went to sit on the bed. It was time to take responsibility for the choices he had made, even if it meant accepting help from one of them. To find a way out he needed to be in the best shape possible - as much as he could be with his soul and pride being torn to pieces.  
The doctor got the supplies he needed from shelves and drawers and started to work by cleaning the wounds on his neck. 

"It looks like you got lucky, the cuts aren't too deep and they've started to heal, but there will be scars most likely," he explained. Garrus held his breath as he felt a piece of fabric wet with some stinging liquid being dragged over the injuries. "You should have come sooner."

"I wasn't able to," he hissed. 

"I can give you something for the backside," the turian said, turning his attention to the second cut, "though I suggest avoiding something like this happening again by not finishing off the wounded."

"I haven't done anything," he retorted. 

"There are all kinds of criminals here –murderers, rapists, thieves and so on," he told him, "but no one's here because he's stupid. You actually need a brain to get sent to a backwater base like this and not the usual prison. So don't try to tell me there's anyone who believes that Varro died naturally while I was with Avitus, telling him the guy was stable and you could come in here freely."

Garrus didn't argue, it would be pointless. It seemed so stupid now – he had risked everything just for a small bit of revenge. He was only a new soldier who had barely seen a battlefield against a base full of hardened criminals – they probably could predict his every thought. 

"You would have liked the expression on the commander's face when he got the news the next morning," the doctor continued, applying a salve that cooled his burning skin. "He didn't expect you to actually do anything other than wail until you fell asleep. What happened two days ago was his payback. Revolt against him and he'll make you regret it."

"He said he'd hurt the human if I did," Garrus reminded him. 

"And you believed it?" he asked with a laugh. "You still have to learn a lot about how the galaxy works, boy. When he wants to hurt you, he'll find a new way, keep you guessing. It will drive you crazy as much as his methods."

Garrus felt his flesh being knit together and then slight pressure as his wounds were bandaged. The doctor took off his gloves and went to his desk.

"I've packed a few things for the human," he passed him a small bag. "The pills you stole are too strong, they'll make her addicted. Lots of bandages and a salve that'll keep the risk of infection minimal. If you have any suspicion she has one already, come back immediately. Watch her for any changes, ask her about discomfort. I'm not allowed to visit her myself."

"Why are you here?" Garrus suddenly changed the subject. 

"Forbidden experiments," he answered simply. Garrus didn't want to know details anyway and took the package.

"One last piece of advice, Vakarian," he called out before he had left the med bay. "Don't resist. Avitus might lose interest or you'll break faster. Either way it will be over sooner and with less pain."

Garrus didn't answer. He walked straight to his room. He didn't pay much attention to the doctor's last words, he had already made a decision and there was only one person who could make him change it. 

When he was done taking care of the rest of his needs, he found a big basin and filled it with hot water. He took a few clean, soft towels, but left the soap – it had grains that would scratch Shepard's skin. Garrus was sure the human hadn't washed since getting here and no one would let her out of the cell for a shower. This was the best alternative he could think of. 

He found Shepard sitting in the same place he had left her. Her eyes were closed and he thought she was sleeping, but when he put the basin down and looked at her again, the human was watching him. 

"I figured you'd want to wash," he explained uncomfortably. "I can't get you out and offer something decent, but this should be better than nothing."  
Shepard stood up, took off the tunic and sat down before the water. Garrus gave her the smallest towel to use as a washcloth. He wasn't sure if he should leave or just turn around. He had seen and touched her body enough to know it well, but somehow watching her now felt wrong. After standing there awkwardly for a few moments, he decided to let her have as much privacy as he could. 

"You can stay," she said when he started to leave. Garrus turned back and sat down, but didn't look at her. 

Neither spoke for a while, the only sound in the room was splashes of water when she rinsed the cloth. 

"Can you help me with my back?" Shepard asked. 

Garrus looked up – she had already turned around. He took the wet towel and slowly moved it across her shoulder. He was surprised at her request. He still remembered her saying that she wouldn't let him touch her and he didn't think that would change just because of one conversation. Maybe his confession meant more to her than he had expected. 

He was cleaning his own blood from her back when she spoke again. 

"How old are you?" Shepard asked. 

"Eighteen," he answered. 

"This is your first assignment?"

"No, I joined military when I was fifteen," he explained, washing the cloth. "I've fought in the war for a bit."

"Good, at least you have some experience," she said. "That should raise our chances when we try to run away."

"What about yourself?" he asked her in return. 

"I'm nineteen and this was my first mission," she admitted. "But don't worry, I was the best in my class basic and I have some experience in escaping and fighting for my life before."

"I'll tell you honestly – I'm not sure we can do this. We're outnumbered by experienced soldiers and even if we manage to get out there is nothing on this planet to take us away," he said, washing her lower back. "Even the supply ship won't come for at least another month. I don't think we can wait that long."

"There's the shuttle in which my team landed on this planet and somewhere should be another one from the previous mission," she told him. The human hesitated a bit before continuing. "I've learned one thing– you can be the best at something, but a bit of bad luck might take away everything. All we need is a plan and some good luck."

"Strange that you still believe it in this situation," Garrus said, drying her skin with a towel. When it was done, she turned around and continued to wash herself. Her movements were awkward and clumsy and she winced once in a while. He considered offering to help her, but couldn't get the words out. 

"If you're lying to me and this is some kind of game…" her voice was barely louder than a whisper. 

"I'm not, I swear," he answered without missing a beat. She nodded and took a dry towel. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"There's one thing," she answered. "Your nails, claws, whatever they are –if you will put… if you'll use your fingers again, can you cut them?"

He didn't answer right away this time. Keeping talons sharpened or blunt were each turians' business, but cutting them… In former times it was done to criminals to keep them from hurting their cellmates in prisons, but nowadays it was rare. They regrew slowly and if anyone saw them short, the meaning would be clear. On the other hand Garrus could never be considered an honorable member of turian society after all he'd done here. He shouldn't feel uncomfortable about this and yet… 

"I'll do it," he finally agreed, hoping his voice didn't betray his thoughts. 

Afterwards he collected the towels while Shepard dressed again. He left carrying the basin with the turbid water, thinking about what life he could have if they got out.  
That night it happened again. Two turians came to his room and Garrus knew without a word what they wanted. He silently rose from his bed when they opened his door, took the pill and was on his way out before they had stepped in. He walked before them slower than usual, still limping a little and hiding his hands, though he knew that once he was in that room in front of everyone, they would see. 

He wondered how he'd feel if they laughed. Would it be another humiliation or would he not care? It was almost funny how he didn't know his own reactions and emotions anymore. In such a short time he had become so fucked up he didn't even recognize himself. His reflection in the mirror, memories of the life before he came here –it all felt unfamiliar like it didn't belong to the person walking down the corridor. Garrus felt regret thinking about it, an emotion that he already knew too well and would never forget. And there was an emptiness starting to appear in his heart like a dull pain. He wished it would just take him over. Then he wouldn't think, feel or care. 

The walk was over far too soon as every other time. The turians were standing around the center of the room in a circle, waiting for the entertainment to start. He noticed the doctor standing at the back of the small crowd looking down and Avitus standing next to the table Shepard was already lying on. She was naked, his ruined tunic thrown on the floor, but there was one difference from the other nights. She was on her back. It made him stop dead in his tracks and he was pushed forward roughly. Garrus would have to look in her face and eyes. 

He'd rather get raped again himself. He could take the pain and humiliation. It wasn't the hate and anger that he had seen in her expression when they first met that he feared. It was the memory of the other human. She had been so hurt, so weak. Shepard was strong, she wanted to live, but what if it was only in the deceptive safety of her cell? What if she cried quietly as he raped her when her face was hidden from everyone? What if she'd let her tears fall now and would beg silently for him to stop? 

His whole body was shaking as he approached her. Commander Avitus said something, but Garrus didn't hear the words, only the sound. It didn't matter. He knew what was expected of him. He stopped at the table and undid his pants. He took the tube of lubricant and almost dropped it while opening it. The pill didn't yet have its full effect, his member not yet quite ready for sex so he started with the human. Her eyes were closed this whole time, but when he touched her leg, she opened them to look at him. 

Garrus didn't see what he had expected. There wasn't anything else except placation. She wouldn't resist. Her eyes closed again and she made a small movement with her leg under his hand reminding him where they were. He proceeded to move her thighs to reveal her sex and while she resisted there was no real force in the movement. It was an act and he promised himself not to waste her concession.  
He proceeded by leaning over her to keep her legs spread and slipped a finger in her to oil her opening. It felt so strange when her softness enveloped it, his fingers much more sensitive without the talons. Garrus was meticulous as he worked still remembering their first night and not wishing to cause her additional pain

He put his hands on her hips as he positioned his cock against her opening. He moved his hips forward a little while watching her face and drew back when she grimaced. He entered her again, deeper until her expression let him know it was too much. He continued like that until his member was almost fully sheathed. Maybe making him watch her wasn't so awful after all, at least now he knew if he was doing something wrong. 

When he started to fuck her she shifted her hips slightly to make it more comfortable. It felt different than before, he could feel her body relax slightly under his. Neither of them was enjoying it in any way, but at least it wasn't painful anymore. It was a small comfort in this hell of mental and physical torture. 

He tried not to think of what he was doing and the turians watching them. He wanted to convince himself that his thrusts were just a mindless action that meant nothing, but not a single part of him believed it. Maybe with time it would become easier for his soul just like it had for his body. 

The order to stop came earlier that night than usual or maybe this time every minute didn't feel like an hour. Garrus arranged his clothes while Shepard was freed from the cuffs. He followed the men taking her back to the cell with her shirt in hand ignoring everyone else.


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard cleaned up the excess lube when the guards left. She hated the wet feeling it left even long after fucking. She hated most things lately: the coolness of her cell, the food, pain in her hands, and the new pills that didn't help near as well as the old ones. But those were also the few things that reminded her that she was still alive. She was afraid that the moment she'd let her anger subside she'd also lose the hope and wish to live. 

She tossed the towel aside and turned around to find the turian with blue markings standing with his back turned to the cell. Garrus, she reminded herself, the only reason there was hope and he had a name. It was so easy to hate turians as a species, to see them all as monsters, but she needed to remind herself often that there was one exception. She needed him and if she did something to scare him off or make him think that she's not worth saving, it would be her end. The realization of how dependent she was had sunk in slowly and made her feel anxious. 

"Garrus?" she said, walking to the bars. He turned around and gave her the tunic that was taken off in the mess hall. She accepted and put it on. She had learned the right way to do it quickly although her movements were still clumsy. Part of her doubted she'd ever learn to do anything properly with four-fingered hands.  
"Can you change my bandages, please?" she asked as nicely as she could, but the words came out sounding a lot more awkward than she had hoped they would. 

He nodded and removed the old ones when she stretched her hands between the bars. She could have done it herself, but he was much better at it. 

"Are you alright? From the night two days ago?" she asked, carefully watching his face. Even if it wasn't made mostly of natural armor, she doubted she could decipher his alien expressions correctly. Her only lead was his eyes and body language. His look shot up from her hands and his fingers fumbled with her bandages, but he got it under control quickly. 

"I'm fine," he answered, looking down again. "You don't need to worry about me."

"You're looking after me," she explained. "If something happens to you, I'm alone."

"I killed one of them and was punished," he admitted. "I'll be more careful next time."

Shepard felt relieved, though she wasn't sure if it was because there was one less bastard in the base or because he had explained what happened. She didn't ask about it in any more details. It was enough with what she remembered– his tensed body, gasping breath, his blood trickling down on her back… 

"Was that night the reason you offered to end it for us both instead of convincing me to fight?" she spoke again only when he was done with her hands. This time he held her gaze.

"Not really. I had already done so much against your will, I wanted to at least give you power over your own life. As much as could at least," he answered. 

She took a step forward, her body almost pressing against the bars, and touched his hand lightly.

"Thank you," she said. 

He didn't pull away, but watched her intently trying to figure out the sudden change in her attitude. But she wasn't entirely sure she acted like this only to affect him. Shepard wanted to make sure he'd continue to help her, but she also felt truly grateful. He didn't have to help her at all. Humans and turians had been at war for a long time and he probably had lost someone close. He shouldn't have cared what happened to her, not to the extent of getting his own life ruined, but he did. If it was because of a good heart or some strange ideas about honor and justice, she couldn't tell. It was hard enough to believe someone like this existed after all she had seen. 

"You should hate me, not thank me," he said.

"Do you hate me?" she asked.

"No."

"But you should," Shepard told him, closing her eyes. "I'm the reason you got hurt. And when they forced you on me it was a rape for you as much as me. If I didn't exist, you wouldn't go through this." Garrus wanted to interrupt her, but she didn't let him. "I guess I should hate you for agreeing to do it, I did, but right now you're the only light in this darkness for me. It's probably not normal to think of you this way, but then again who can tell what is the right thing to feel in this fucked up situation?"

"I don't even know what I feel anymore," he confessed, resting the side of his head against the bars.  
"I know what it's like," she said, watching him. "We just need to find something to hold on to."

"You have me," he said sincerely. "I'll do anything to make it right."

"Don't let guilt overcome your senses," Shepard told him and sighed heavily. She just had him where she wanted, but something kept her from turning him into her slave. Great time to grow a conscience. But his emotions had already chained him to her more than any sweet words could. "Just get me free and we're even."

"No please this time?" he asked. The damned turian had seen right through her.

"Only if you really need it," she almost smiled. 

"I won't leave you," he said. "I've gone too far to give up. You don't have to act like someone you're not."

"When did you get to know me?"

"It's more like a feeling. Intuition," he answered and stepped away from the bars. "You should rest. Do you want me to bring you something tomorrow?" 

"Water. I'd like to wash again," she answered, going to her bed. 

She didn't fall asleep right away, the new pills didn't cloud her mind like the old ones and she knew that this night would be much more restless than the previous. It could be hell - the silence, the light from the corridor that never got turned off, and all thoughts and memories. She needed to be stronger and endure whatever they'd make Garrus do to her, but it was hard. She felt tired, yet she couldn't show it to anyone, especially him. Shepard knew he needed her as much as she needed him. But how could she support him if she wasn't sure she'd have enough strength for herself?

When sleep finally came it didn't last long. It was filled with nightmares and left her more tired than she was before going to bed. One time she woke up because she thought she heard something, but quickly told herself that it had been only a dream. She drew the blanket closer to her body and closed her eyes again. But her hearing had always been good and she knew something was off. Breathing. She could hear breathing. Shepard looked up to the corridor and saw a turian standing there. At first she thought it was Garrus, but soon recognized one of the guards that took her to the hall. She couldn't have slept for a whole day. But he didn't move, didn't enter her cell, just stood outside and watched her. 

"What do you want?" she asked despite the uneasiness she felt. The turian didn't answer, but his mandibles moved to reveal his teeth. Shepard frowned. She had a bad feeling about him. 

Before she could say more she heard footsteps approach her cell. She let out a sigh of relief when Garrus showed up with the basin of water and towels. He froze when saw the other turian. The guard walked past him, his eyes traveling from Shepard to him. When they were sure he was gone, Garrus placed the basin next to the bars and Shepard got out of the bed. 

"Why was he here?" he asked, giving her the soft piece of fabric. 

"I don't know. I woke up and he was just standing there watching me," she answered. 

"I really don't like the way he was looking at you," Garrus said. "I should probably stay longer and more often."

"I thought no one except you is allowed to come near me," she said, starting to wash.

"Would you trust a criminal to follow his orders?" 

Shepard didn't need to answer.

Three days later nothing had changed. Shepard woke up not knowing what time it was and finding Garrus sitting at her cell. He spent more time here with every day. She'd get up and eat the awful rations, then they'd talk or take care of her wounds. Usually Garrus left to scout the base returning regularly to check on her. Sometimes he sat there for hours waiting for the evening. Those hadn't changed much either – they both got taken to the mess hall for others to watch him fuck her. She no longer paid any attention to the position or how many actually watched, just let it happen. To them it probably seemed like she had given up. 

Since she and Garrus started talking and spending time together it was getting easier in some strange way. It shouldn't have, considering what was happening, but she hardly found him repulsive anymore. How could she when he was the only one there for her? 

Shepard turned in her bed to look at him, her eyes the only thing not covered by the blanket. He was sitting in his usual spot, his side resting against the bars, looking at his hands. She never considered herself a sympathetic person, but she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. The burden he had taken by helping her – she was sure she wouldn't have done that in his stead for a turian. Maybe for a human either. It was ironic that she found someone like him in a place like this. She wanted to help him, make it easier, but there was nothing for her to do. She was locked up and wounded, completely dependent on him and the base commander's wishes. There was nothing she could offer. 

Shepard slowly rose from her bed and went to Garrus still wrapped in the blanket and sat down next to him. He looked surprised, but didn't say anything.

"How are you?" she asked quietly. 

"Fine, as always," he answered, looking away. 

"That's rather bad, isn't it?" she asked. "You don't have to lie to me. You've seen my bad side, I don't mind you venting."

"It's really no worse than usual," he said. "I just wish it would be over sooner, one way or other."

"There is only one way," Shepard reminded. "Have you found anything to help us get out?"

"No," he said and sighed heavily. "There are two exits from the base, both guarded by at least three men constantly. There are patrols in the corridors and surveillance at some places. If we had guns it wouldn't be such a problem, but if I go anywhere near the door, they'll raise the alarm. There might be additional security that I don't know about. Another problem is getting you out of the cell. I need an omnitool to override the lock, but the only way for me to get it would be confiscating it from a corpse."

"If you find an alternative way out, getting some guns and an omnitool shortly before the escape shouldn't be the hardest thing," she said. 

"You were right when you said that it's a matter of luck," he took her hand to tend her wounds. "Now I just need to find something like a secret passage so that we don't have to fight our way out through thirty experienced turian soldiers."

"You don't want to take revenge?" she asked, surprised. 

"Believe me, nothing would make me happier than to slowly kill everyone in here, but it's not about what I want to do," Garrus explained. "It's about what needs to be done. Getting you out alive and in one piece. You said it yourself– we can't let emotions get in the way."  
"I think your protectiveness is an emotion that gets in the way of your survival instinct," she pointed out, shaking her head. "We need to get out alive and in one piece. I need an ally not a knight in shining armor." 

"I don't know what that is," he said, but before she could explain, added: "but I think I understand what you meant."

Understand and agree were two different things. His lack of healthy selfishness annoyed her, made her feel worse. She truly wanted him to leave with her and have a chance at normal life he deserved. She knew she had no right to decide his future for him and should respect his wishes, but unfortunately for him she still had some semblance of an ego left. 

"Garrus," she said taking his face in her free hand and turning it so that he had to look at her. "Do not get any stupid ideas about sacrifices and punishment. I don't want to live the rest of my life knowing that the only truly good man I've known died saving a street rat like me."

"Then it's all about what you want?" he asked, but she heard no reproach in his voice. His look seemed somewhat gentle as he took her hand off his jaw and held it in his. 

"You started it," she said with a small smile.

Garrus stayed with her for another hour, then left to search the base. They still had plenty of time until the evening and he'd return before the guards would show up to take them to the mess hall. The past few days he checked her frequently to make sure the guard hadn't returned. She knew Garrus came by even during the nights, probably more often than in day. Sometimes she wanted to tell him that she could take care of herself and for him to get some sleep, but they both would know she'd be lying. Before, she could fight an average turian soldier and hope to win. Now she could barely hold a water bottle. 

The inactivity grated on her nerves. When Garrus was there she could watch him or talk to him, ask about his past and the turian species. Anything that would help her to forget the situation they were in. But when she was alone unwelcome thoughts and memories haunted her mind. She didn't want to admit it even to herself how much all this actually affected her. It was just a physical thing, she reminded herself, like getting hit. She didn't feel fear or shame. Those were emotions for weak people, but she was strong. She had to be to survive. And Shepard needed to remind herself again and again, because sometimes her own mind almost became her worst enemy. 

She sat down to eat some of the awful food Garrus brought. Feeling like she'd throw up any moment had a nice side effect of purging all thoughts of her head. It was getting worse every day. It wasn't like she had proper meals back on Earth, but alien food was meant for aliens. At least she had plenty of water to wash down the taste. 

A sound in the corridor made her forget the meal. Footsteps. She hoped it would be Garrus, but she knew he shouldn't be back this soon. Shepard dropped the package and retreated to the farthest wall in her cell. It was as she feared – that turian had returned. 

"You look scared, human," he said, resting his hands against the bars. "I won't hurt you. Much."  
Shepard silently glared at him with all the hate she felt toward him, this place and everyone else. She knew it wouldn't affect him, but she wouldn't show any weakness. Then she heard someone else approach. Another guard was rushing to them. 

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked to the first turian.

"Having some fun."

"Do you have any idea what Avitus will do to you if you touch her without his permission?" the newcomer asked, incredulous. 

"He won't know," the first one answered, his look threatening. "No one will believe a human. And you'll stay quiet."

The turian shook his head. "You're crazy. Have you forgotten about Tallus? You can't disobey the commander. I'll have no part in this."

He grabbed him by his throat. "You'll do as I say or I'll make you wish Avitus was the one dealing with you." He shoved the turian to the ground and turned back to Shepard. "Go watch the door, it shouldn't take long."

The second guard silently retreated, giving Shepard one last scared glance. She took a deep breath and shifted to take a defensive position. 

"Don't think you'll take me without a fight," she warned, watching him open the door. 

"I've seen how you relax when that boy touches you, I bet you've come to love turian cock," he said, stepping in the cell. "Let me have one quick fuck and you won't even have a scratch on your soft skin. I can make it feel good for you as well."

Shepard laughed. "I can offer you one quick death. I bet the galaxy would thank me."

"If you liked it rough, you could've just said so," the turian said, slowly approaching her. 

Shepard tensed, getting ready to attack. In the mess hall she believed that there was no point in resisting, there was too large an audience, but one on one she could at least try. When he was one meter from her she stepped forward and tried to kick him in the stomach. He expected that, but she had more up her sleeve. Shepard used the moment when he caught her foot to draw herself closer to him punch him under his jaw. She almost groaned from the pain, but it was worth it - the turian stumbled back releasing her. She used the distraction to try to kick him again and succeeded, except he was wearing light armor and it didn't have nearly as much effect as she hoped. 

He was crouching on the floor as she tried to get past him and out the door, but the turian lunged forward faster than any human could and in seconds had her pinned under him. Shepard felt ashamed of how easily he had turned the tables. He snatched her right arm, but before he could grab the left one, she clutched one of his mandibles and pulled with all her strength. The turian let out a scream and she felt the sinews give. She had almost torn it off when he finally grabbed her hand, blue blood trickling down his jaw. His talons dug in her flesh leaving small punctures and he head-butted her, the impact loosening her grip. 

The turian was yanked off her before he could do anything more. She lay there for some time, waiting for the room to stop spinning and pain to subside a little. When Shepard opened her eyes and looked up, she saw the other guard holding him on his knees and another one standing before him. Commander Avitus.

"I should have known you'd give me trouble. But I'll show you your place," he said calmly.

"Fucking asshole, you'll be sorry you betrayed me," her attacker shouted at the turian holding him. He was trying to break free, his mandible hanging awkwardly on a small string of flesh. 

Avitus grabbed his jaw, turning his head to look at his face. "Those who are loyal to me will be rewarded, but try to Rebel against me and I'll make you wish you were dead. You know the rules," his talon dug in the fresh wound on his face and the turian groaned in pain. "The human is my property and I allowed only Vakarian to use her. Didn't I make that clear?"

His grip tightened. "You did," the turian almost shouted. 

Avitus let him go and stepped back. "Good to know you understand what you did wrong. Take him away."

"Fuck you, I'm not afraid. You let anyone who wanted to take the previous human, but suddenly this one is off limits. And now you put a human higher than a fellow turian. Fucking freak," he cursed as he was dragged away.

"It's not about her, the turians or humans, but my enjoyment. And the expression Vakarian wears every night is quite worth the restraint," the commander said. "I'll come by to have some fun with you later," he chuckled. 

Avitus turned to Shepard and yanked her upright. For a moment she thought she'd fall back again, the sudden movement making her dizzy. When her mind cleared she noticed something warm trickling down her face – the turian guard had broken her skin. 

"You're not very obedient either," he said studying her face. "I can't let you think you can harm my men like that and get away with it."

"Don't think I'll just lie down and let anyone rape me without resisting," Shepard spat breaking free from his grasp. 

"Is that a challenge? I'd love to prove you wrong," he flashed his teeth coming closer, making her step back. "You're an interesting human. Refreshing. Most broke during the first few days. Tell me, is that a characteristic of yours, or is it that you really expect Vakarian will be able to save you?

Honestly, she wasn't sure of the answer and even if she was, she wouldn't tell him. Shepard stayed quiet and retreated until her back touched the wall. She was thankful for the stability, but the turian had followed her every step. She knew attempting anything against him would be pointless, but she still clutched her fingers into a fist. 

"I'll have to find out myself," Avitus said, leaning close, his hot breath on her face. "Enjoy your time with him. The deal will end sooner or later."

He licked her cheek slowly, then turned around and left, locking the door. Shepard didn't move. Her heart was beating fast, but instead of spite and anger she felt fear. It had finally gotten this far. Shepard could endure many things, yet the way Avitus had regarded her made her shiver. He wanted her, more than the turian she had just maimed, she could see it in his eyes. The thought of him touching her made her clench her teeth. Garrus she had accepted and held no grudge, but to get passed around to everyone willing to fuck her…how could she feel like a human after that? 

Or they might make Garrus suffer. He said that the commander would hurt her if he did something wrong. The same could apply to her as well if Avitus had realized that she cared for him. Somehow the thought of them abusing him was almost as excruciating. When had she gotten this attached to him? Why did she care if he got harmed instead of her? She should hope that would happen instead of dreading it. She cared for a turian that raped her every night, how fucked up had this gotten?

But at the same time he protected and helped her, she could only try to return it. She wanted to save him. They had less time than she thought before Avitus thought of some twisted way to separate them. Shepard tried to focus. The commander wanted her to feel fear; to resist she had to be in control. It was much easier said than done. Shepard felt completely powerless in her cell.

Garrus came running to her soon after Avitus had left. He stopped next to her, slightly out of breath and looked her over. 

"What happened?" he asked. "I saw one of your guards getting dragged away. What did he do to you?"

"Nothing, just this," she pointed to her forehead, "though you can guess what he wanted."

"When I find that barefaced bastard…" he was ready to storm off, but Shepard caught him by his wrist.

"Forget about it, Avitus will deal with him," she said.

Garrus looked alarmed. "Why was he here?"

"The other guard warned him about what that turian was about to do, so he came to stop him. I hope whatever he does to him it will be painful," she took a deep breath before continuing. "But before that I pretty much tore off his mandible."

Garrus winced, but then he realized what it meant. "What did he say?"

"That I'll be punished," she answered, tightening her grip without thinking. 

"Fuck," he cursed. "Of course something had to happen."

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence as he regained composure and gathered his thoughts.

"We'll think of something," he said calmly. Strange how their roles changed when she needed support. It was reassuring that he still had some strength to give her. Garrus bent down and picked up a towel. He freed himself from her grip to clean the blood. "Let's get through this night and then think of the next problem."

"I hate it when I don't know what he will do next," she said, trying not to wince as he wiped the blood from her skin. 

"Don't think about," he said. "Avitus wants you to be scared and anxious." Garrus stepped back and looked around. "I'll be back in few minutes, I promise," he said and left before she could say anything. 

When he returned he gave her a clean tunic and put a new blanket and some of his personal items next to hers.

"I'm not leaving you again, not for long," he explained. 

"Thank you," she said, looking in his eyes. 

That evening different guards came for her and they went to the mess together. When they arrived her handcuffs were removed and she pulled off her clothes. She expected to be led to the table and tied to it, but the turians had stepped back in the crowd. 

"You'll have to hold her down yourself this time, Vakarian," commander's voice came from behind her. "Take her to the table."  
Garrus came to her and gently led her towards the center of the room. She lay down on it herself, unsure if it was better to act like she had given up or to resist.

"Now spread her legs and lick her."

His head snapped towards Avitus. Shepard had no idea if turians did that, but from Garrus' reaction it seemed he hadn't. "I'm sure we have some volunteers if you're unwilling," the commander offered.

She saw the glare he paid him before obeying. Garrus pulled her thighs open like every night and dropped on his knees. Shepard closed her eyes when she felt his breath on her and hoped it wouldn't last long. 

The first touch was feather light, he just barely grazed her. With the second lick he parted her folds with his tongue and Shepard shivered. It was warm and a bit rough, but his movements were so light it wasn't uncomfortable. He continued to explore her sex slowly and carefully, clearly unsure of what he should do. His hands were on her inner thighs, keeping her spread, his thumbs stroking her slightly. He was trying to comfort her, but it really didn't help. 

She could feel her body getting aroused like it had been disconnected from her brain. If it had been anyone else or if he had done this forcefully, she wouldn't have reacted like this. But the way he moved his tongue, how he grazed her clit unintentionally made her grit her teeth to keep herself from showing any signs. She didn't want to get turned on and no matter what she tried to think about nothing could overwhelm the feeling of his tongue against her opening, then traveling up to her bud. 

She wished to tell him to stop, but it would only make things worse for him. Garrus had told her how the pleas of the previous human haunted him and she wouldn't add her voice to hers. But the embarrassment of the wetness she felt at her opening… There she was, on the table, getting aroused in front of all these turians as one licked her most sensitive places. And then she understood. The humiliation she felt from this situation was her punishment. Avitus was a sick bastard, but he knew how to get in his victim's head. 

Soon he ordered Garrus to stop. No matter how much this degraded her, it wasn't very entertaining for the rest of them. She knew it wasn't over, but hoped that the commander didn't have any new ideas. 

"Now turn her over and fuck her the way you were," Avitus said. 

Garrus grip on her tightened, but he released her before it became painful. She opened her eyes to look at him. He was angry, more than she had ever seen before. He was barely holding back from attacking him.

"She's tighter in her other hole, you'll enjoy that so much you won't be able to hold back any longer," commander Avitus said with grin. 

Garrus' body was shaking. His refusal was clear without him saying anything and that was probably what Avitus was expecting. Shepard understood why he hesitated, but damn it, it could get so much worse. They might just take and kill him. No matter how awful this will be, she needed Garrus to obey. She didn't even want to think what it would be like if Avitus ordered someone else to take his place.

Shepard knew what she had to do, but God, it was hard. The words she needed to say refused to leave her lips. She really hoped they'd get out and their lives would be worth giving up what was left of her pride. She gathered all of her willpower and rolled on her stomach. 

"Do it," she said. "Punish me."


	5. Chapter 5

Garrus head snapped towards Shepard. He would have thought he had imagined her saying those words if she wasn't on her stomach waiting for him. All his anger disappeared leaving only confusion. What was going on? Why was she doing this? Then the realization hit him. Garrus felt sick with guilt. It was all his fault. He had promised her that they would get through this, yet when it mattered he was about to rip Avitus to shreds. Shepard was humiliating herself to save them both when it was his duty.

He didn't hesitate any longer. He did everything like any other night, except his attention was on a different part of her anatomy. Spirits, she was tight, he just barely could push himself in her. It was obvious she was in pain, but he didn't stop. Garrus tried to be gentle, to do it slowly, but it didn't help. He knew nothing would. He'd been in the same situation only days before. They both could only hope it would end soon.

He put his hands on her hips to keep her from moving as he thrust. She didn't make a sound, but he saw her clenched fists, the tension in her body that had been absent for the past few days returning. It was torture to hurt her like this and what made it worse was the fact that she had to ask for it. Garrus sped up when he was ordered, but paid no more attention to Avitus or the rest of them. There was only he and Shepard and their heavy breathing.

And then he was ordered to stop like nothing unusual had happened that night. He pulled out and cleaned himself while Shepard was taken away, then followed to her cell. He stopped in the corridor, in a spot where she couldn't see him to think and gather courage. What could he say to make it better? She'd hate him, refuse to speak, maybe throw things like the first time he visited. It felt so long ago and they had come so far… Garrus felt like the biggest idiot and bastard in the galaxy. The second wasn't something new, but he had slowly dealt with it. The fact that Shepard didn't hate him and wasn't angry had part of the guilt at bay. His own hang ups were the reason he had lost the only thing left for him to hold on to.

He still had hundreds of questions on how to act from now on when he stepped forward to face her, but his mind went blank when he saw her. She was sitting on her bed, face in her hands and shoulders slumped. Garrus wanted to apologize, to beg her forgiveness, but didn't dare to make a sound. Instead he just stood there, waiting for her to notice, wondering if it would be better if he left and came back later.

Shepard looked up after a painfully long time. He thought she was crying at first, but her face was dry and expression blank, only the way she drew her hands in fists gave away her anger. Garrus was getting good at reading her, especially this emotion, but the revelation didn't make him feel any better. He was prepared to face whatever she'd say, he had even come close to the bars so that she could hit him if she wanted to, but it didn't mean it would hurt less. Shepard didn't move, just sat there and watched him.

When he could no longer endure the tension, he said: "I'm so …" but she raised a hand and he stopped.

"I don't want to hear that you're sorry," she said.

"You hate me now, don't you?" he asked. "I'll get out of your sight if you tell me to."

"Stop being so fucking miserable," she said angrily, then took a deep breath and continued in a much calmer voice. "I don't hate you. God, I can't even stay angry at you. What have you done to me?"

"I…" he started, but felt too confused to come up with anything coherent.

"It doesn't really matter," she said after a moment. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't blame you for what happened. It's Avitus' fault, I bet he had it all planned out. Though you were acting like an idiot. At least I won't probably care much what he comes up with later, it's not like I can feel any filthier."

He opened his mouth to apologize, but stopped himself before the words got out. Despite what she had said, the guilt and helplessness ate away at him. He knew exactly how she felt, yet there was nothing he could do to make it easier. If there was a way, he'd have helped himself long ago. A small noise made him look at Shepard again and what he saw was her getting in the bed to sleep.

"Rest," she said, facing away from him. "And don't get some stupid ideas and leave."

Garrus went to the corner where he had his improvised sleeping bag and tried to find a comfortable position for a few moments. There was so much heaviness in his chest he wondered if he'd be able to sleep at all.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. He just couldn't keep it in any longer.

"I forgive you," she answered. Even if she said it to shut him up it still meant the world to him.

Neither of them slept well. They both were haunted by nightmares. He woke up more often from the sounds she made than the things he saw in his dreams, but somehow it was easier to give into his exhaustion when Shepard was right there across the cell. He didn't have to worry that something would happen without him present to help. He would never forgive himself if someone hurt her while he was gone, though he had no idea how to protect her and search for an exit at the same time.

It was near morning when Garrus woke for what was probably tenth time that night. It was a small vibration passing through the floor and walls at first that changed into shaking before he even realized what was happening. He had barely opened his eyes when everything around him exploded, covering his body in dust and rubble. He felt heavy pieces from the ceiling and walls land on him, but his natural armor protected him from any real damage. When it stopped he remembered that Shepard was sleeping close by and that she had nothing that would guard her from harm.

The debris fell from his body as he rose to his feet. He couldn't see anything. Whatever had happened had caused a power shortage and he was in complete darkness. Garrus tried to pull on the bars, hoping that the exploding walls had freed them enough to move, but they didn't yield. He couldn't just sit back and wait for someone to come and help, there had to be a way to get to her. Then he got an idea. The base was old, probably no one had upgraded the security systems since they were built, including the locks; they should be powered by the bases' power grid, which was down at the moment. Garrus moved towards the cell door holding on to the bars to find the right way. Locating it was easy, but it took him a few minutes to get it open and when the door finally gave in, he rushed to where Shepard had to be lying.

He moved aside the larger pieces and brushed her shoulder when he found her, calling her name. The fabric of his gloves got soaked with something. It could only be blood. He quickly gathered her in his arms and moved to the exit - the corridor hadn't caved in and Garrus moved faster than he thought he could. The way towards the door had never felt so long. The room before it was dark and empty, even the guards that were always present at the entrance of the prison wing were absent. He silently hoped they were dead. He could hear voices further ahead, closer to the center of the base and he headed there, careful not to trip and drop her.

When Garrus moved through the door, the light was so bright it dazzled him. For a moment he could only hear the voices and hurried footsteps, but when his sight cleared he saw turians moving in and out of the room and Avitus in the center of it giving orders. Garrus decided to ignore the hustle and go to the med bay directly. Unfortunately the commander noticed him and called out.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, looking at the woman in his arms.

"She needs a doctor," Garrus answered.

"Anneius will come to you when he's done with my men," he said coldly. "Meanwhile go to your room and wait."

Garrus almost protested, but stopped himself. There would be no point. He turned around and walked the other way towards the barracks while Avitus appointed two soldiers to go with him and make sure he followed the order.

His room felt cold and empty, though it still had power and this wing of the base was intact. Garrus put Shepard carefully on his bed, but he didn't even have a blanket to cover her with, most of his belongings were buried next to her cell. He finally took a good look at her. She was coated in dust and dirty just like he was, her tunic was soaked in blood at few places and some had trickled down from her head to her face. He felt helpless. Shepard might be dying right now and he wouldn't even know it. She was breathing, her chest rising with every inhale, but if she stopped, there would be nothing he could do.

Just standing there and watching her was making him feel worse, so he found some cloth to dampen and cleaned away the blood from her face. She looked peaceful this time, like no nightmares, memories or anger haunted her. Under different circumstances he'd appreciate her expression, but now it only scared him more. When he was done with her neck, he went to his bathroom to rinse the fabric.

Garrus stopped before her, unsure how to proceed. He needed open her shirt and make sure she didn't have some serious wounds, but at the same time he felt he had no right to remove her clothes. He had no idea if she'd let him do this if she was conscious, but at the end he was too desperate to depend on luck.

"You can be angry with me all you want when you wake up," he said quietly, undoing the clasps of the shirt that was once his. "But first you have to wake up. Don't die Shepard. Not when you've survived this long, not after all we've been through."

Garrus checked her slowly and carefully, avoiding pressing on the wounds. He was relieved when he didn't find any deep wounds on her flesh; the few that were still bleeding were already started to close over. He glanced at the clock on his desk - one hour since he stepped in his room and she was still unconscious. Garrus closed her tunic and sat down next to her on the bed. He wanted to touch her, to feel the pulse under skin as an affirmation that his eyes weren't lying to him, that Shepard was indeed still alive, but he held back.

Instead, he leaned down near her ear and whispered again: "Please wake up."

That moment the door behind him opened and the sound surprised him so much he jumped up from the bed and turned around to see who had come. He let out a relieved sigh when recognized Doctor Anneius, his clothes stained with blue blood.

"I came as soon as I could," he said. Either he hadn't seen Garrus leaning over Shepard or chose not to comment on that. "There are more wounded than I expected. Are you hurt?"

"No, but Shepard…" Garrus said, but Anneius interrupted him.

"Let me do a quick check up," he said, coming closer.

Garrus stepped back. "I said I'm fine. Take care of Shepard first."

He looked at him like he was crazy, then sighed and went to her. "I don't know much about humans, I can't promise I'll be able to help."

The doctor worked quietly, first checking her body carefully, then treating the injury on her head. Garrus watched him staying close. He knew it probably disturbed Anneius, but he couldn't stop himself. Garrus felt responsible for letting someone else touch her, though he didn't really believe the doctor would hurt her on purpose. Neither of them noticed when Shepard started to wake up, only the moment her hands shot up, reaching for his throat. Anneius caught her hands pressing where her fingers used to be and she screamed in pain, her body arching. Garrus was next to them immediately, shoving him away and gently pressing Shepard back in the bed by her shoulders.

"It's alright, you're safe," he said in a calming voice. The fear left her face and she relaxed when recognized him.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice unsteady. She took his hand when he was about to leave her side and didn't let go.

"We're not sure yet," the doctor said rising from the floor. "Most likely something happened with the power lines in the walls, some kind of overload. The eezo power generator is as old as this base and no one bothers to repair anything here. Probably send so much charge through, everything exploded near it."

Garrus could tell by the look she gave Anneius what was on her mind.

"He's a doctor, he'll take care of your wounds," Garrus explained. "You got buried in the rubble."

"I don't need him," she retorted.

"Shepard, please," he said. "He'll help."

"Do you really trust one of them?"

"I don't have a choice," Garrus answered. "I can't do this by myself."

She closed her eyes and nodded. He stepped aside to let the other turian get back to work, but stayed close. He did his job quickly and there wasn't even a hint of him wanting anything more than to finish it as soon as possible. He didn't seem to like her and the feeling was definitely returned by Shepard.

"It doesn't look serious. Some rest and painkillers should get you back on your feet," Anneius said when he was done with her head. He moved to open her tunic and thankfully Shepard didn't object. "I'm not sure how humans treat head traumas, but I can't do much else anyway."

"Like I could rest in a place like this," she spat, her hands in fists.

"The two of you should be left alone for at least a day or two," he said. "The whole north wing is in ruins and it will take some time to get things back to normal."

"I hope many died," Shepard said harshly, then winced as Anneius put bandage over a wound on her arm.

"No one actually," he said. "Many were injured, but nothing serious. You shouldn't leave the room, Garrus, in case someone's condition worsens unexpectedly. Not all of the men here enjoy what is being done to you, they're forced to watch."

"Do you really think that frees them from the responsibility? They do nothing to stop this and that's why they're equally guilty," Garrus said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You've been here for a short time, you have no idea what Avitus is capable of," the doctor said, looking up to him. "It could be much worse for the two of you than it is now."

"So you're all just cowards," Shepard said. "That really justifies everything."

"Yes, I'm afraid, and I'm not ashamed to admit it," there was clear annoyance in his voice. "You won't know whom I'll talk about, but Garrus has seen more than he'd like. Tallus. He was the previous commander of this base. A smart man, not a good person, but the rest of us followed him out of respect not fear. He came from a good family and was proud, but there were too many shady operations on his record, so he got sent here. Then Avitus arrived. He wanted to be the commander and if he sets his mind to something, nothing will stand in his way. I won't go into details, but the things he did to Tallus… I still have nightmares. He turned a great, ruthless soldier into his personal pet."

He was silent for a moment before continuing. "I think Tallus killed that human on purpose, as defiance. To show us that somewhere deep inside still exists the turian we knew. But maybe he's more of a beast now than I could imagine. My advice still stands – don't resist or it will get worse. There's no way out."

By the time he finished his story, he was done with Shepard as well and turned to check Garrus. He had a few bruises where he lacked natural armor, but otherwise he was as healthy as before.

"Even if we die in here, human forces will come and take this base, killing any turian bastard they find," Shepard said, closing her shirt. "They wouldn't sacrifice two scout units for nothing."

"They won't come. Two days ago there was an official announcement on peace negotiations between humans and turians," Anneius said packing his things.

"It can't be. There weren't even rumors when I was deployed," Shepard objected.

"The high command of the Alliance share all their plans with combatants?" he asked, turning to face her. "If they released this information it's more than likely they'll succeed. Besides, turians have been pressured by the asari and salarians to stop this war for years and humans have their batarian problem. The only real surprise is that it lasted this long." Anneius paused, considering them. "I'll send someone to bring you everything you'll need to live here."

With that he left. Since being posted here Garrus had thought little about the war and when Shepard had been captured his only concern was that she'd get killed in action even if he saved her. Now they would never meet on the battlefield, they wouldn't have to kill each other and they wouldn't be enemies again. It really shouldn't matter if the war continued or ended, the news certainly didn't help in their situation, but it gave him something to look forward to. Since joining the military, war was the only thing in both of their lives. Garrus let himself hope that there could be more.

Shepard had a strange look on her face, a softer expression than usual, similar to the one she had when she was unconscious.

"I'm not sure if I'm disappointed or glad that I won't have a chance to make a career by killing turians," she said, looking at him.

"Well, for me killing humans was never fun. Too easy," he said. The tension that was always between them had lessened, the way she watched him, the tone of her voice was different, no longer angry or distrustful.

"I thought surviving this long here would have changed your opinion on human strength," she slowly turned to sleep on her side.

"You have," he affirmed and kneeled to be eye level with her. "Are you in pain?"

"My whole body aches," she admitted, "but my head and ass are just killing me. I guess I have to thank you for saving my life again."

He suddenly felt uncomfortable. "Well, your life wasn't in any actual danger."

"Can't you just say you're welcome?" Shepard rolled her eyes. "Where are we, anyway?"

"My room," he answered. "Try to rest, at least until Anneius brings the pills."

She listened to his advice and closed her eyes. Maybe it was the fact that they'd have a bit of time to catch their breath that made her lower her guard. Maybe it was the possibility of the war ending. Or maybe the blow to her head was stronger than he thought and she still didn't understand what was happening. Whatever the reason, he was glad for the change.

Garrus didn't move from his spot for a long time, afraid that any sudden movement would wake her up again. He had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that in such a soft and fragile body could be a spirit so strong. Shepard had definitely changed the way he viewed the human race and he wanted to learn more.

When his legs started to go numb from the uncomfortable position he was sitting in, Garrus finally moved away from the bed. First thing he did was to check all the things that were in his room, looking for something useful, but there was nothing; a few personal belongings that only had an emotional value and some clothes. Everything else was either taken from him when he was first locked in here or he had moved them to Shepard's cell. The door of his room was locked, of course. With the chaos in the base it would be easier for them to slip out. There were probably guards on the other side as well.

He spent some time trying to figure out what to do next, but then gave up. He felt tired, the lack of sleep and worry left him feeling worn out. Then he remembered the shower. He didn't know how long he spent there, letting the warm water wash away everything, but when he walked out Shepard was already up and standing at his desk.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" he asked.

"One of them brought the pills and blankets," she gestured at the pile next to the door with one hand while she tried to secretly put the object she was holding on the table. "You have a shower?"

"You're welcome to use it," he said, walking up to her and picking up what she had just put away. It was a holo of his family. Garrus didn't even remember when he last had looked at it. He switched it on and showed to Shepard. "My father, mother, sister and me," he said pointing at the turian figures.

"Something to return to," she said, looking closer.

"I don't think I could show them myself after all this," he admitted.

"You should, some people don't have anyone at all," she said, turning towards bathroom. "You need something to look forward to when we get out."

When we get out. For all the good this explosion had brought them, it didn't seem any more possible than before.


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard left the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She probably was in there for at least an hour, the skin on her fingers was wrinkled, but she still was tempted to stay longer. She couldn't really use the shower fully because of her newest wounds, but somehow she had managed. She couldn't remember feeling better than when the hot water trickled down her body. Her newest cuts stung, especially when she used Garrus' soap, but the feeling of finally being really clean was worth it.

Garrus wasn't concerned about what was taking her so long. She found him lying on the bed asleep. He must have been exhausted watching over her from the early morning and she knew he didn't sleep well during the night. She woke up a few times when he had made a noise while dreaming. She probably wasn't much better, but now she felt more at peace. Garrus had a chance to run away, to leave her buried under the rubble and forget she even existed, but instead he had saved her again. 

Shepard quietly looked around to find a clean tunic left on the desk for her. She had probably destroyed all his clothes by now. Once she had changed, she sat down and looked at Garrus. She remembered being angry at him last night, but now it felt so long ago. The time in this place seemed to pass slower. It felt like she'd been here for years, so tired and empty, the nightmares, inactivity and helplessness draining her will to live. She could barely remember the dreams she had before being captured and the hopes of a new, better life.

She didn't know what exactly she felt for Garrus. It was some strange mix of gratitude, reliance, trust and even affection. Most of those emotions were new to her. When she lived on streets any sentiment was a weakness that could take her to an early grave, and people around her tended to disappear without a trace. The rational part of Shepard knew that getting closer to this turian would be a big mistake, but he was the only comfort she had. Either of them could get taken away and killed any moment leaving the other more miserable than ever before, but right now she wanted to let herself forget about everything, even if only for a little while. 

She stood and went to the bed. He was sleeping near the edge of it and there was enough room for her between his back and the wall. She carefully lay down hoping he wouldn't wake up, but he didn't even stir. There was something reassuring about having a living being next to her - hearing him breathe, watching the slightest movements of his body and feeling the warmth radiating from him. Somehow she hadn't noticed that he was warmer than her, but it was nice. 

After some time and second guessing Shepard lightly grazed his carapace with her fingers. It was as hard as she thought it'd be and she wondered if he would feel her touch if he was awake. Garrus probably knew her body as well as her, but Shepard hadn't even seen him without a shirt. 

Her back was pressing against the wall and soon she started to feel cold so she slowly got up and took the blanket to cover them both. She didn't really feel sleepy, the medicine had taken away most of the pain and she had been unconscious for most of the day, but there was something calming about lying like this and she closed her eyes. Shepard didn't fall asleep, but relaxed, letting herself imagine that they both were safe. It was unusual for her to turn away from reality like this, but it wouldn't hurt if she did it just for a moment. 

She opened her eyes again when she felt Garrus move next to her. He was getting up, but Shepard put her hand on his arm to stop him. He lay down again, turning to face her. 

"Sleep well?" she asked. 

"Yeah," he answered. They were so close she could feel his hot breath on her face. "I guess I was too tired to even dream. Is it comfortable for you?"  
"It's alright," she said. "I'm glad I didn't find you on the floor."

"Well the bed seemed big enough for both of us," he explained. "It's a bit tight, but I was really exhausted. And I had a feeling you'd kick me if I tried sleeping somewhere else."

"Finally you show some common sense," Shepard gave him a small smile. 

"It's a bit hard to figure out what would be appropriate," he admitted. "This situation… I just don't know what to do around you." 

"You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable," she said, "just try and we'll see, I trust you enough."

He was silent for some time, watching her. "I think you're going crazy."

"Yeah, I probably am," she agreed. "At least I'm not alone."

Shepard pressed her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. 

After a moment she felt Garrus place his hand on her arm and press his chin against her head lightly. 

 

The next morning, pain woke Shepard from her sleep. Her headache was worse than yesterday if it was even possible. Her ass still felt raw and she could feel the bruises where they pressed against the bed. But there was something really warm next to her and she tried to get herself closer to it without opening her eyes. She wished it would be soft as well, but this was still better than the usual coldness of her cell. Then Shepard felt a three-fingered hand on her back, stroking it calmingly and her eyed flew open as she backed away hastily. It took her a moment to realize that it was Garrus next to her and the hand belonged to him. After another moment she remembered what had happened the day before.

Garrus was watching her, looking both surprised and uncomfortable.

"Sorry, I'm not used to wake up like this," she said, the pain in her head throbbing anew with the sudden movement.

He got up and passed her the bottle of pain medicine, then got some food for breakfast. They ate in silence, Shepard still in the bed and Garrus sitting at the desk. He didn't ask or comment on why she pushed away from him. He had tried to comfort her in any way he could, and it felt good to fall asleep next to him with his arm around her. Why had she reacted like that now?

"I wasn't trying to get away from you," she said, throwing away the empty package. "The last night… you and me…"she swallowed, trying to find words to explain what she felt. "I'm glad that you're with me." 

"I understand," he answered and went to sit next to her. 

"It's getting so hard," she admitted, "and I'm so tired. I try to endure, but I don't know how much longer I'll be able to hold on to only anger and hate. Where do you get strength?"

"From you, Shepard," he answered. "I promised I'd save you and that's all that matters."

"Then I promise to save you," she said, moving to sit closer to him. Shepard noticed the scars under his fringe where he didn't have natural armor and remembered everything they had been through. "And I promise everyone else in this base will die in a painful death sooner or later."

Her fingers traced the scratches lightly and he didn't stop her. Garrus put his hand on her leg and pressed his temple against hers. 

"I hope to take at least Avitus' life when we leave," he said. "I know I said getting out is our priority, but letting him get away with this… I don't think I could live with that."

"Have you thought about your future after this?" she asked. 

"A little bit. I have a few options besides active duty," he answered. "And you? Will you go back to the Alliance or return to your home world?"

"There's nothing for me on Earth," she said in a sad voice. "If I return to the military there'll always be a chance something like this happens again. I don't know what I'll do."  
The rest of the day passed calmly. No one came to them and they didn't hear anything outside the locked door. Garrus told her about his past and his family and she realized that she enjoyed listening to him. Shepard smiled when he told her a funny story and felt jealousy when he mentioned his parents. She had never known hers. She remembered when she was a little girl she dreamed of a home and people who'd look after her because they'd care, not because they were paid to do it. She had dreamed of warm embraces and kind words. She realized that at the moment when Garrus was lying next to her with his arm around her and telling stories in his pleasant voice, it was the closest she'd ever been to having that stupid wish come true. 

And it wasn't unpleasant at all. Back then when it became clear that her life wouldn't change and no miracles would happen, she told herself it didn't matter, that she didn't need anyone. And it still was true– she could keep on living alone, independent and never letting anyone close, but this wasn't such a bad alternative. She did join the Alliance hoping for a new life, but even if someone would show up to become a part of her future, he'd have to try really hard to earn more respect than she had for Garrus. 

When he got tired of speaking, Shepard took over. She told him what it was like on Earth, about the few friends she had had and what happened to them. She didn't hide the crimes she had committed, but didn't brag about them either. It was part of her past and he accepted it without turning away or reproaching. 

Later in the evening when the sun had set Shepard heard the click of the doors as they were unlocked. Garrus got up from the bed and Shepard rose to sit. It was probably time to go to the mess hall. She had hoped that they'd be left alone for a bit longer, even if it would be just another day, but apparently Avitus wasn't concerned if she was still in pain and that her wounds hadn't healed completely. It surprised them both when Doctor Anneius entered instead of the guards. 

"How are you two feeling?" he asked instead of greeting. 

"We're fine," Garrus answered for them both. "We didn't expect you to come today, especially this late."

"I didn't think I'd visit you," he admitted. "To be honest, I'm sure this is not wise, but I have an offer. I want to help you."

"How?" Shepard asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I think I've found a hole in the wall made by the explosion. It should be big enough to let you crawl through," he explained. "The problem is there's a lot of rubble in front of it and I can't move it alone."

"So you don't know for sure how big the hole is," Garrus said. 

"I don’t, but we have a few days before they start repairing that wall and since many of our soldiers are still in med bay, there's less chance of getting caught," Anneius walked towards them. "You won't get a better opportunity. Even if it doesn't work out, isn't trying to do something better than just sitting here?"

"Why the sudden change of heart?" he asked, watching him intently. "All this time you've been telling me that we won't be able to escape and to stop resisting. And you admitted you're afraid of Avitus."

"Yes, I still am. If he finds out about this…" he said, looking away for a moment. "I don't care much about the human, but I don't want to stand by and watch you turn into another Tallus. I have enough nightmares because of just one turian."

"Agreeing would mean placing our lives in your hands," Shepard rose up to stand next to Garrus. 

"If you can't trust me, fine, at least I won't feel guilty about not trying," Anneius said. "But how long do you think it will take Avitus to get bored with the way things are right now? This could be your only chance."  
Garrus and Shepard looked at each other for a long time. She could see how hard it was for him to decide and she knew he waited for her opinion. But she didn't know what to do. Shepard hated the doctor and didn't trust him at all, but Garrus had some respect for him. Or maybe he was just grateful. Crawling out from a hole didn't sound like a good escape plan, but they didn't have anything better. Everything the doctor had said was true and no matter how much she disliked it, she knew that either they risked it and trusted him or sat and waited. 

"It's your decision, Garrus, but I don't see an alternative," she said. 

"I don't like this, but we might not get a better chance," he agreed and brushed her cheek with his talon. "Stay safe."

"I'm not letting you go alone," she protested. 

"How exactly do you plan on moving blocks of cement with two fingers cut off and wounds not fully healed?" the doctor asked and Shepard frowned. He might be right, but she wasn't completely powerless. 

Garrus must've known what she was thinking since he interfered before she could answer: "You're too hurt to help. Besides, if I get caught maybe they won't punish you if you stay back."

She wanted to argue, but realized they didn't have time and he would make her stay no matter what she'd say. Shepard nodded and stepped aside.

Garrus joined Anneius who was waiting by the door and they left together. Shepard sat down and rested her head in her hands. There were so many things that could go wrong, she regretted her decision the moment they were gone. Every time she let herself hope that this nightmare would end, something bad happened. The fear was back and Shepard knew she wouldn't sleep until Garrus returned.

Every minute felt like an hour. Shepard kept staring at the clock since there wasn't anything else she could do. After the first thirty minutes she went to take a shower. It didn't help to take her mind off the current situation. Anneius' offer could've been a trap and Garrus might be lying dead somewhere or they might be doing something else to him. She didn't want to think about it.

She left the shower much sooner than the previous time. She dressed in the bathroom and noticed that there was a mirror on the wall. It was small and she probably had missed it before because of all the steam. She went to it and wiped it clean. Shepard almost didn't recognize herself. She had dark rings under her eyes from the sleepless nights, her cheeks were sunken and it seemed she had lost weight. There was also an ugly scar ending at her left eyebrow where the guard had hit her. She had a bruise on her right cheek. Shepard looked worse than ever before. 

Looking at herself only made her feel worse so she left. She froze the moment she entered Garrus' room – Commander Avitus was sitting on the desk, his fingers playing with her pill bottle. 

"You look much better clean," he said looking at her in a way that made her feel dirty again.

"What do you want?" she asked, trying hard to hide her agitation. She had to clench her hands in fists to stop them from shaking. 

"Where's Vakarian?" he asked.

She didn't answer. 

"You know, I'm starting to think you two enjoy being punished," he said, placing the bottle on the desk. "Why else would you try to disobey me at every opportunity?"

Shepard swallowed hard. There were only a few situations worse than this and she had a feeling she'd have to go through them soon. She should have told Garrus to stay, convinced him that the doctor couldn't be trusted, that…

"I like how you look so desperate and helpless," the commander said, his mandibles moving to reveal his teeth. 

"What are going to do?" she asked, trying to gather some courage and look at him defiantly. 

"I have some ideas," he answered, standing up. "How much do you want to help your friend?"

"He's not my friend," she spat, hoping he wouldn't see through her.  
"That's too bad," he said. "I was about to offer you a way to save him some suffering. I didn't let him leave this room, but he's gone, and you know what that means." 

Shepard closed her eyes and sighed. "What's your offer?"

"You let me take you," he explained and came closer. There were only few steps between them, but she didn't retreat. "Now, and whenever I want without resisting. I'll leave dealing with Vakarian to you. As long as you do what I say he won't be punished for this."

"You mean as long as you feel like keeping your promise. You might as well be lying and would kill him the moment you leave," she said with hate.

"I might," Avitus agreed, "but if you refuse I'll fuck you anyway only it will be more painful for you and I will definitely punish him. I think it's worth the risk and a small surrender."

Shepard didn't have words to describe how much she hated him. The thought of him touching her made her sick. She wanted to kill him, strangle him with her bare hands, but she knew that in the state she was, there was no chance of her even wounding him. It was clear from her fight with the guard that she was helpless without a gun. She thought of all she had been through, all that will come. How she'd have to endure Avitus' touch and the touch of anyone he would give her to later, how it would tear Garrus apart to see it happen, unable to do anything. But with the choice she had it was only pain or more pain. 

"Fine, I'll do it," she said slowly, like every word caused her pain. 

"And you said you wouldn't just lie down and let someone rape you," he chuckled and closed the distance between them. 

Avitus ran his tongue over her neck slowly and Shepard clenched her teeth. She felt sick and dirty. With Garrus, even when she hated him, part of her acknowledged he was doing it against his own will, but this turian felt only pleasure from forcing himself on her. His hands moved under her shirt, lifting it as he stroked her sides, then breasts. He licked her jaw and lips and she knew – if he tried to push his tongue in her mouth, she'd retch. He moved to graze his teeth over her neck while his hands moved down. He left one hand on her hip and pushed the other between her legs, his middle finger stroking between her folds. 

Shepard didn't move or protest, she already knew what it would be like, she could take more. She promised to save Garrus. It wasn't much different from what he had gone through for her. 

Avitus finally stepped back from her. "Take off that rag and lie down on the bed," he said, taking off his armor. She obeyed letting Garrus' tunic fall on the floor and getting on the bed. She closed her eyes, not wishing to spend a second more than necessary looking at him.

"Spread your legs," she heard his voice near her. When she had done as told, Shepard felt him step onto the bed. He put his hands on the inside of her thighs, keeping them open as he licked her slowly from her opening up over her stomach, her left breast and nipple, stopping at her ear. She could feel his wet, hard erection pressing against her skin and despite his body heat she shivered. One of his hands disappeared and she felt his cock rub her sex.

"You humans taste so good," he whispered against her ear. "Vakarian is such a fool not enjoying what you can offer, he hasn't even come while fucking you. But I'll fill you with my seed until it spills from you." 

"I'll kill you. I'll watch you die slowly and in pain and kill everyone that let this happen. Then I'll burn this place to the ground," she said, opening her eyes to look at him despite the tears that threatened to spill. 

"Keep your empty threats," Avitus retorted. "I want you to ask me to fuck you like you asked Vakarian."


	7. Chapter 7

Garrus followed the doctor quietly. He had hundreds of questions, but he didn't dare to make a sound until they reached their destination. Even at this hour there were guards patrolling the corridors and that hadn't changed despite the recent explosion. Their numbers were fewer instead of two there was one turian per route, and at some posts no one. If he had to guess, he'd say ten to fifteen of the soldiers living in this base were in the med bay. Since there were a bit more than thirty, it could be considered a serious incident. The cells must've been hit rather lightly or he and Shepard got lucky. 

They almost got caught by a patrol once and Anneius had to go talk to the soldier while Garrus hid in the shadows. He didn't have to worry about the cameras – the doctor had explained that the turian watching the surveillance records would be absent from his post tonight. Everything was taken care of, but nothing could ease the bad feeling he had. He should have taken Shepard with them even if she'd be sitting, doing nothing

His ally returned when the soldier was out of sight and they proceeded. Garrus was completely sure that no one else would agree to help him so this plan was grounded on not getting caught. Avitus was so feared by his subordinates that no one would dare to try even if they wanted to. Only the doctor had done something for him and Shepard.) He should be grateful, but Garrus felt distrust and watched him for any sign of betrayal. He couldn't trust anybody and this damned place was to blame.

When they finally arrived, Garrus went straight to the place where Anneius pointed and inspected the rubble. 

"Are you sure there is a hole?" he asked, starting to move the rubble. 

"It's visible from the other side of the wall," the doctor explained, joining him. "I told you – I'm not sure we're not wasting time here, but there's a hope."

"That's all I've had since I got into this mess," Garrus admitted. "I should probably thank you for helping, I never expected someone from this place to have a conscience."

"Don't think too much about it, I'm still doing this mostly for myself," Anneius said. 

"Did you try to help Tallus as well?" he asked. 

"Didn't get a chance," he answered, "and never thought it'd go as far as it did."

After some time Anneius spoke again: "What do you feel for that human?"

Garrus stopped working and looked at him. "I'm not really sure. All that matters is that I have to save her."

"I noticed how you speak to her, the way you touch her," he said. "The affection you have for her isn't real, it's just a reaction to the stress. Once she's no longer in danger she'll stab you in the back. Don't mistake her docility for something more than a way to manipulate you." 

He glared at the doctor. It wasn't true, he hadn't seen how hard the trust developed between them, it couldn't have been just an act. Garrus didn't want to believe she could betray him, but then he remembered how she had flinched away from him in the morning. There really was no way to know what was going on in her head. It didn't matter though. He was saving her because it was the right thing to do, not because he expected something in return. If Shepard decided to kill him afterwards, he wouldn't resist. He'd leave the decision whether he deserved to live up to Shepard. 

"I agreed to Avitus' game before we even had a chance to speak," Garrus said, continuing to move the debris. "Whatever I feel for her has nothing to do with my wish to help."  
"Why do you refuse to understand?" he asked, catching his wrist and making him look at him. "A human is not worth all this."

"I don't care if she's a human," Garrus almost shouted. "No living being can be treated like that. I won't stand aside and allow it."

"Idiot," the doctor spat. "Give her up, Avitus will get bored eventually. Once she gets fucked by him, you won't care what happens to her anyway."

"Is that why I'm here? So that he can rape her while I'm gone?" he asked, the realization hitting him hard.

"You should be grateful he didn't do it in front of you," Anneius answered, pushing him against the wall. Garrus' fringe hit it and he felt sharp pain shoot through his head. When it subsided he didn't waste a moment and attacked the doctor. 

"Lying piece of shit," Garrus cursed, twisting his hands to break the doctor's grip and kicked at his waist. Anneius dodged, but had to release him. Garrus didn't waste time and dashed forward knocking him down. The doctor's hands shot up to grab him, but Garrus had picked up a rock and bashed his head with it. The doctor didn't lose consciousness, but it was enough to stun him. 

Garrus didn't give him a chance to regain composure. He grabbed Anneius' fringe and snapped his neck. He had had enough. This place was everything he hated and any sign of hope was destroyed before there was a chance to really believe in it. This betrayal was the last straw. He couldn't take it any longer. Getting away didn't have the same importance any more. The hate these people had planted in his soul was taking over and now he just wanted to kill them all, one by one, to see the life leave their bodies like Anneius. He tried to be strong, to keep it all back for Shepard's sake, but it was too much. After getting her to safety, he would come back and finish them all. 

Something clicked in his mind when he thought about her and he remembered what the doctor had said. Avitus. Garrus got up and ran. Spirits help anyone who got in his way. 

Luckily for him, or them, he ran in to only two guards – one in a corridor and one at the door of his room. He took care of them both with strength he didn't know he possessed. Garrus could only think about Shepard. It might be too late. He had been away for almost an hour and the thought of her raped, wounded, and broken scared him like nothing before. It felt like he had betrayed her. How could he be so stupid to trust one of those criminals? Why hadn't Shepard stopped him? 

Garrus burst into his room and found Avitus and Shepard on his bed, both naked. He tore the other turian away from her before he even had a chance to react, his fingers locking around Avitus' neck. They both fell to the floor with Garrus on top, struggling. The commander was strong and managed to reverse their positions. 

"Big mistake, Vakarian," he hissed, his knee digging painfully in his stomach and his hands holding Garrus in place. "You can't win against me, you can't escape from this place and you'll never be strong enough to protect her."

"He's not alone, asshole," Garrus heard Shepard hiss.

A violent shove from her threw Avitus off the other turian. Shepard jumped off the bed, managing to hold the commander down even as his claws his claws dug in her arm and shoulder, leaving shallow, but painful cuts. Just as her strength began to wane, Garrus was up again and restrained him by straddling his chest and wrapping his hands around his throat once more.  
Avitus' talons were razor sharp and left marks on Garrus as well where he managed to grab him, but just when Garrus saw him reaching for his eyes, the commander's hands were yanked away by Shepard. Strangling a turian wasn't easy and it took time, but it felt so good to watch him die, to see the fear in his eyes when Avitus realized his life would end. Part of Garrus knew he shouldn't feel such satisfaction killing someone, but he was past caring. 

"Your existence is a mistake," Garrus said, tightening his grip.

When he could no longer feel the turian's pulse under his fingers he let go. 

He remained still for a time, breathing heavily with eyes closed as he slowly realized what had just happened. It was over. Avitus was dead and they were free. He repeated the thought again and again as if the reality would change just because he'd let himself think about something else. Avitus was dead. It'd probably take a lot more time for the realization to really settle in. The man he had hated like no one else, the one who had fucked up his life so much that nothing would ever be the same, had died by his hand.

It had been so simple. It was nothing like he had imagined, so different from the vids he had watched as kid where there always was a grand fight and mind shattering revelations. It was almost disappointing. He had spent so much time thinking about this moment, about the things he'd say and the way he'd kill the commander…At the end he was just another turian with limited strength who died just like any other living being. It was almost funny how much his mind had added to estimation of Avitus' power just because he was in command. 

He looked at Shepard and found her staring at the dead body. She was obviously shaken by what had happened and trying to keep her emotions in check. She took a few deep breaths before getting up from the floor, most likely having a hard time believing it was over as well. Garrus wanted to ask if she was alright, if the commander had hurt her, but couldn't find the words. The answer scared him. 

"Shepard…" he started, but she interrupted him.

"I'm fine. You have a great timing," she said. "A minute longer and…"

She could have been lying, saying what he wanted to hear to make him feel better or to save him from feeling more guilty, but he knew that if Shepard decided to deceive him, nothing would make her tell the truth. Garrus stood up as well and watched her dress. There were no marks on her skin from Avitus other than the ones she had just received and she didn't pay any attention to them so he decided to believe her. Even if the commander had raped her, it wouldn't change how Garrus saw her or what he felt. He wanted to embrace her, but didn't dare and she had already moved past him. 

"All of it was Avitus' plan, wasn't it?" she asked, kicking the dead body. 

"Yeah. The doctor's dead, also two guards," he said, pulling himself together. "We have to move before someone finds the bodies."

"I know," she agreed, angrily, "but we can't just run away. I'll never be able to move on knowing they're alive, unpunished and possibly torturing someone else. I can't, Garrus. "

"Do you really think I feel any different about it? I want to kill them all more than you can imagine, but that's not why we went through all this," he felt like he was being torn apart by having to choose between revenge and saving her. "If you die because I made the wrong decision…"

"But it's my decision as well," she protested. She stepped closer to him and placed her hands on his shoulders. "The doctor, Avitus and two others are dead already. Give it a chance or you'll have to leave alone."  
Garrus clenched his teeth and closed his eyes. Her words hurt. After everything he had done she was ready to throw her life away so easily. He understood, if he was alone he'd do the same thing, but he wasn't and he had a promise to keep. The turian looked down to Shepard, her eyes filled with hate and hurt. It was too much for her. Something had changed and the moment he agreed he knew that he wasn't the same person either. Besides, he couldn't just leave her, make her fight through this alone. 

"Many soldiers are still in the med bay and the surveillance cameras should be off for a while," he said. "Finding armor would take too long, we can only hope to run into our sets, but we definitely need guns."

"Do you know where to get them?" she asked after letting out a heavy sigh. 

"The guards I killed. They should have some. I was too worried to think clearly and get them on my way here," he said, putting a few of his personal things in his pockets. "Just stay close."

She caught his wrist and made him look at her. "I'm sorry, I know I'm asking a lot, but…"

"I understand," he interrupted her. "I may not agree, but I won't stand in your way. It's your life and your decision, but I want you to promise me something." She stepped back, obviously alarmed. "If I get wounded or killed, you'll abandon me and your revenge and get out of the base. Immediately."

"Is this how you get back at me?" her voice was unusually high. "I make you come with me, but I have to promise to do something like that?" she asked, but before he could object, she continued. "Fine, I promise," she spat, turning around to leave. 

Garrus didn't let her get past him, stepping in front of the door. "Fuck, why does everything have to be so complicated?" he asked. "Why do you refuse to see why I'm doing this?"

"I know why," she answered, brushing his arm. "But it doesn't make it any easier."

He stayed like that only for a moment longer, then let her out. They didn't have time to waste.

The first guard had a pistol with him. Garrus had hoped for more, but it was better than nothing. He kept the weapon for himself and led Shepard further in the base the same way he had gone an hour ago. Shepard stayed behind him, silent and determined, looking around for any sign of more guards. The second body was further in, halfway to the destroyed part of the base. He had a shotgun and another pistol. Shepard chose the shotgun. She checked it and tried to aim, frowning. 

"Never thought that lack of my little fingers would affect my grip so much," she said quietly, trying to find a better way to hold her gun. 

"At least you have another four," he said, inspecting the pistol. "If I lost one…" 

"Where do we start? Med bay?" she asked coming closer to him. 

"That would be the easiest way," he answered. "Those who are there wouldn't be able to resist or escape and the place is distant enough to muffle any noise."

On their way they met another two guards, each at a different post that Garrus disposed of without using the guns. One almost raised the alarm when he saw them, but with Shepard's help they managed to stop the turian. The rest of the corridors were empty and silent. Everyone who wasn't on a patrol was sleeping. 

He didn't want to admit it, but part of him was reluctant to go to the Med bay. There were a few places an honorable soldier wouldn't go to kill and a hospital was one of them. The turians that lay there were unarmed and wounded, even if he and Shepard were in a bad position for a fight, they had guns and that decided it all. But there was no way to stop her. He knew a determined person when he saw one no matter what species. He'd be lying if he said that there wasn't a much darker part of him that wanted this as well. Those turians had made their decision when they allowed Avitus to torture Shepard, him, the human he found when all this mess began, and even Tallus. They all deserved revenge. 

How could just one person manipulate a whole base of turians into obeying his every command? 

When they reached the door and opened it, all his doubts disappeared. Garrus knew every one of them, their faces burnt into his memory from the weeks he had lived here, the nights they watched him get raped and raping Shepard while pleasuring themselves. Just remembering it all made him sick. Now they were the helpless ones and the two of them would use their weaknesses against them. 

Shepard quietly crossed the room and blocked the other exit. None of the patients moved or showed any signs of waking up. Some didn't look injured at all. Others were connected to monitors that showed that their vitals were stable. Garrus and Shepard both aimed to the ones closest to them and fired. 

Both of them had received enough training to kill their enemy with a single shot despite natural armor and distance. The healthier turians managed to roll off the bed and tried to hide, but the pair moved towards the center of the room without giving them a chance of survival. The med bay was filled with shouts, some begged for mercy, but they didn't pay any attention to it just like the turians had ignored what had been done to both of them. Every time Garrus pressed the trigger he remembered an event that had pushed him to this. Watching them rape the first human, the night when he made the deal with Avitus, Shepard hating him, someone raping him and everything that followed. He ran out of targets before he had recalled all of it and he shot the last turian a few more times. 

Ten bodies, five for each of them. The silence that settled in the room was deafening. He could hear his own heartbeat, his pulse racing at least twice the normal rate. Next to him Shepard was breathing heavily, her expression blank as she studied the slaughter. Her lips twisted into a small smile, but her eyes remained cold and merciless. 

"Who said the revenge is bitter?" she asked, her eyes still scrutinizing the bodies. "Avitus, the doctor, now these bastards…" she turned to him, "it's almost over, Garrus."

Shepard stepped closer and grazed her fingers over his cheek. "It's almost over," she repeated in much quieter voice. 

Garrus took a deep breath and leaned into her touch. The air was heavy with the smell of blood and medicine, but he could still smell her unique fragrance. 

"We have to move before the rest of them realize what's going on," he said. "Let's go through the base checking every room and leave the exit for last."

Shepard nodded and clutched her weapon while he turned around to lead the way. Garrus wondered if the begging men would haunt his dreams just like the first human's did or if he would forget them in time. He had heard that killing gets easier with every new victim. This wasn't a war or self-defense, just vengeance and with every passing minute he found it harder to care. Now he couldn't imagine leaving without finishing what they started. 

Most of the places they inspected were empty: the storage rooms, meeting halls, corridors, even the living quarters. They had checked at least half of the base and there was no one. He had a bad feeling. It wasn't ruled out that Anneius had lied about the cameras or someone had found the bodies and the rest of the soldiers were preparing a trap for him and Shepard. The next room to check was the mess hall, the place he wished he never had to return. 

Of course that was where the trap was. The moment he opened the door, ready to shoot anyone inside he found the rest of turians in full armor, guns in hands. There were about ten of them. He ducked in cover as quickly as he could, Shepard never showing herself to them and staying close to wall on the other side of door aisle. He saw her lips move, cursing silently.

"Vakarian," a sing-song voice from the hall called out, stretching his name. "Don't be shy, join us."

Garrus didn't move or reply, looking for an exit. He was close to the center of the base, getting to the main entrance would take a few minutes during which they would most likely get caught and killed. He could tell Shepard to run while he distracted the turians, but she didn't know the way. The two of them didn't even have armor. 

"Don't make us come after you," the turian said. "Take your human, drop your weapons, step in the hall and we won't kill you as quickly as we would if you tried to run."

What choice did he have? It was either definite death if he disobeyed or slightly less definite if he did what they wanted. Garrus looked at Shepard apologetically. She shook her head, her expression angry, but when he stepped in the hall tossing his pistol away, she did the same. What hurt the most about it was that the commander had been right. Garrus wasn't good enough to save her. 

"Very good, Garrus," the turian standing in front of the group said mockingly. "It's nice to see you're as obedient as always. You made quite a mess in the med bay. The commander won't be happy."

"He won't care, he's dead," he retorted and every turian turned to look at him. It felt like their eyes were trying to look into his mind to see if he was lying. No one was left unaffected by the news, maybe except for Tallus, who was standing separate from the group. Garrus knew telling them about the commander would buy him some time. 

"You're lying," the leader said. 

"Why? Would we really risk doing all this if he was alive?" Garrus asked. "Or was Avitus immortal?"

"If it's true, everything has changed," the turian said, thoughtfully. He didn't look even a bit saddened by the information. "Falx, go see if he's saying the truth. Where's the body?"

"In my room," Garrus answered. If the turian talking would try to kill them when the other one returned, he and Shepard had about five minutes to come up with a plan.  
It turned out to be unnecessary as a single shot sounded in the room and blue blood started trickling down from wound of the leader's forehead. His body hit the floor before Garrus truly realized what was happening. 

"Who made you the new commander?" asked the turian behind him. This would get ugly fast. Fighting for power among criminals was not something he wanted to be a part of. 

He was saved from that by a rain of bullets coming from the other end of the mess hall. Garrus tried to get behind a cover, but he was too slow – a round hit him in his side before his body landed on the floor. He ignored the pain, looking for Shepard. She had found herself a place to hide from the assault and looked unharmed, but Tallus was approaching her from behind. He tried to shout to warn her, but there was too much noise. The next moment the turian tackled her, pinning her arms behind her back, and was dragging her from the room and dragged her away from the room. She tried to resist, but he was stronger. Their cover was right next to the door and they managed to slip out unharmed, but Garrus had to wait until the shooting stopped to follow.

He stumbled out in the corridor grabbing the gun he had tossed away with one hand and pressing the other against his wound. He felt the blood soak his shirt. Garrus tried to run after them as fast as he could, but every step shot a sharp pain to his wound. At least Tallus was slowed down by his attempts to restrain her. He still heard Shepard's voice, and as long as he had it to follow, nothing would stop him. Why did everything always have to go so wrong?

It felt like he was pursuing them for an eternity and no matter how far he went they got further away. The last time he felt so desperate was when she got injured in the explosion. His biggest fear was losing her. Garrus didn't pay any attention to what was happening behind him, if the attackers were following him through the maze of rooms and corridors Tallus was taking Shepard through. The only thing that mattered was getting to them before it was too late. 

"Do you think they won't kill you if you hold me as your hostage," he heard Shepard ask. "The Alliance doesn't give a shit about me."

The Alliance? Was it them attacking? He hadn't even taken a look at the shooters, too busy looking for her. Why would they be attacking the base if there was a peace between their species now? 

"I'm not waiting for your allies, human," Tallus growled. 

Garrus entered the room from which the voices were coming, his gun pointed straight ahead. Tallus was still holding Shepard, his pistol aimed at her head.

"Let her go," he said, confidently. Even through pain, and Shepard between, them he knew he could kill Tallus with a single shot. Maybe he should risk it…

"I will, after you answer a question," he said. "Depending on what you say she'll be either dead or alive when I do it. Did you really kill Avitus?"

There was no way of knowing the right answer with a man like him. "Yes," he answered truthfully. "I strangled him with Shepard's help when he tried to rape her."

Tallus looked at him for a long moment before shoving her towards Garrus. She almost fell, but Garrus managed to catch her with his free hand, leaving smears of blue blood on her clothes. Tallus still had his gun aimed at Shepard and Garrus didn't take his eyes off it. The turian stepped back slowly and leaned with his free hand against the wall. It moved, revealing a way out to the forest. 

"If you move fast you have a chance of escaping," he said tossing his gun at their feet. Shepard picked it up immediately. "Consider this my gratitude for taking care of Avitus."

"How can I know it's not a trap?" Garrus asked, stepping in front of Shepard. 

"You can't," he retorted. "You either risk it or stay here, I don't care."  
"Let's go, we don't have a choice," Shepard said. 

"You should…" he started to say, but she interrupted him. 

"Not now, move," she ordered, taking his hand and pulling him towards the door. 

When he passed by Tallus, he grabbed the hand in which Garrus held the gun and pressed its barrel under his own chin. 

"I won't die by the hand of a human," he said, looking Garrus in the eyes. 

He nodded and was about to pull the trigger when Shepard shot the turian in head, saying: "Wrong." 

She continued to lead him by his hand out in the woods after closing the hidden door. There was still some shooting in the base and he could hear the shuttle engines in the courtyard. Walking was getting harder. The pain seemed to get worse, but he tried to stay quiet and follow Shepard as fast as he could. He didn't waste his strength talking, trying to convince her that she was making a mistake. She probably knew what was on his mind so she didn't speak either. Her grip was strong and she didn't slow down even after walking for at least thirty minutes. Later, when she had decided they were a safe distance away, she helped Garrus sit down, his back resting against a tree. 

"How bad is it?" Shepard asked, taking his hand off the wound. 

"It's just a flesh wound, it'll bleed for a while and then heal," he said, hoping that it was true. He was no doctor and all he knew was that it hurt like hell, but Shepard didn't need to hear that. "Was it really the Alliance?"

"Yes," she answered, opening his shirt to take a better look. 

"Then what the fuck are you doing?" Garrus grabbed her hands. "Those are your people, they'll take care of you, you should have stayed. You promised to leave me behind."

"You really shouldn't trust someone who grew up on streets to hold a promise. I have no honor to protect and I left my pride in that base," she retorted, angrily. "You've done more for me than anyone ever before, do you really expect me to leave you there for some asshole to finish the job?" 

She took a deep breath, regained her composure, and slowly freed her hands. "I can always go back, I'm not injured. But I'll only have this one chance to help you," she said more softly and calmly, her fingers caressing his neck lightly. "You didn't leave me no matter what I said, no matter what you were forced to do, even when you had a chance to run away and leave me behind. Let me return at least some of the favor."

Shepard leaned closer closing her eyes and pressed her lips to his mouth. He didn't dare to move or breathe. She looked so vulnerable that moment, unlike anything he had seen from her before and it felt like the barriers she always held between them were gone. Garrus had no idea how long they had stayed like that before she retreated. 

"What was that?" he asked his voice barely louder than a whisper. 

"It's… it was a kiss, a way humans say 'Thank you'," she answered, looking away. 

He somehow managed to smile weakly. "That's a nice gesture."

He heard her answer, but didn't really understand the words. His mind was getting hazy, and despite the pain and uncomfortable position, he felt really tired. His arms and legs felt heavy and he closed his eyes even though he wanted to keep them open. He tried to concentrate on her voice, to stay conscious, but nothing helped.


	8. Chapter 8

"Garrus," Shepard called, digging her nails in his arm. "Garrus, don't… not after everything we've been through!"

She didn't recognize her own voice. There was a desperation it had never before possessed. Garrus was dying right in front of her. Every other turian on this planet was dead and no human would help him. Now she understood him, what is was like for him to try to take care of her when he didn't know anything about humans except how to kill them. This day had been so long. She felt so tired and fucked up and she wished she could just fall asleep and forget everything. She couldn't. Not when Garrus was like this.

Her mind was so messed up. She had been angry that he walked in the mess hall. It was his own fault that he got this wound, but then he went after her despite the injury. He always made up for his foolish actions, making her feel guilty in the end. And despite everything, she kissed him. Why? He needed help, she should have treated his wound, stopped the bleeding, but instead she let her emotions take over. At least he didn't know what it was. Shepard had no idea either, and she had blurted out the first thing that came to mind when he asked. 

She shook her head to clear her mind. The only thing that mattered now was keeping Garrus alive, not wondering about kisses and feelings. She finished opening his shirt to inspect the wound. The bleeding seemed slow. Considering how much blood was on his shirt it looked like his blood had already started to clot. She took his tunic off to press it against the injury. She knew it wasn't right to make him move so much right after getting shot, but the alternative was being found by the Alliance. They'd kill him no matter what she'd say and that she wouldn't allow. Her revenge now felt like a betrayal and Garrus deserved better from her.

Somehow the helplessness she felt in her cell was nothing compared to what it was now. She knew she should have been bothered by how much she had grown to care for him, but it became clear to her that she had no control over it since they started to share his room. And it was getting worse. A few hours ago she thought she wouldn't be able to live if someone in the base stayed alive. Avitus had been the last drop. Now that it was taken care of Shepard realized that there could be something much worse. 

And of course once again she had started to think about herself instead of helping Garrus. She was an awful person and yet he had seen something in her worth saving. 

"You're such a fool, Garrus," she said, pressing her hand against his neck and feeling his pulse. "You're worth more than I am, it should be me lying here wounded. I'm so sorry."

It was much easier to say it when she knew he wouldn't hear.

She ended up falling asleep at some point while watching over him. 

The first thing she noticed when she started to wake up was her frozen feet; she barely felt them at all. But the rest of her didn't feel cold. Her head and upper body were pressed against something hard and warm and she recognized it as Garrus' chest. If he was warm, he was still alive, but she still ran her hands up to his neck just to make sure. Yes, there it was, his pulse, stronger and faster than yesterday. Shepard slowly pulled away from him and felt his arm slide off her. When there was no contact between their bodies, he opened his eyes. 

She watched him silently, feeling lump in her throat as his blue eyes slowly focused on her. Everything came back in a wave. All that had happened over the weeks, what was done to her, the fear, pain, anger, anxiety, it all washed over her and she had to bite her lip to hold back tears. She had been through so much and it had hurt like nothing else ever before. Only now she realized how much it really had affected her. She had pushed it back, refused to think about it in order to survive, but now it was over and they both were alive. She let herself go. Just this once she'd let it all out.

Shepard slowly laid her head against his shoulder as tears started to fall without waiting for her to hide face. She cried quietly at first, but soon she was sobbing like a child. It hurt so much she thought her heart might burst. She felt Garrus put his hand on her back and it made her cry harder, it didn't matter whether he was encouraging or trying to calm her. Soon his grip on her tightened and she knew he was letting go as well. He didn't cry like she did, but the small, quiet sounds that were coming from him were not unlike her wails. Shepard clung to him just as hard, it suddenly became important to feel him, make sure she wasn't alone, that he wouldn't disappear and it wasn't a dream. For a while she thought she'd never stop. 

But she ran out of emotions and tears eventually. Everything was wet – her cheeks, chin, neck, Garrus' shoulder and chest, but she didn't move waiting patiently for him to be done. And even after that, she held on to him. It felt far too good to let go, better that in his bed despite the cold, hard earth beneath them. He was so warm and he held her so tight it hurt, but it was exactly what she needed. Her chest and mind felt empty, but in the good way. She felt free. 

"It's really over," she said quietly, her voice hoarse. 

"Yeah, it is," he confirmed, whispering next to her ear. 

"How's your wound?" she asked. 

"Hurts, but the bleeding stopped last night," he answered. "I woke up and you were on the ground, asleep."

"And you found me a better place," she concluded with a small smile. 

Shepard inhaled deeply his smell making sure she'd never forget it. "We need to get you off this planet," she said. "Can you walk?"

"I'm not sure. Probably," he answered, letting her go. "Do you have a plan?"

She straightened and nodded. "I didn't just randomly run into the forest. We shouldn't be far from the first scouts' shuttle. I hoped we'd reach it right away, but you looked so bad I didn't want to risk it."

"Won't your military watch every transport that leaves the planet?" he asked. 

"They will," she admitted. "That's the difficult part. I'll need about day to get to the main ship and find a way to let you slip through surveillance."

"It will take me an additional two to three days to get to the nearest turian controlled territory," he added. "Unless something has changed in the past few weeks."

"This is madness," she said, realizing how much she had overlooked. "We need a different plan."

"I don't think we'll find another way," Garrus shook his head. 

"You realize that there won't be any dextro friendly food, right?" she reminded.

"I know, I can go a few days without eating."

"Sure," she frowned, "especially after getting injured and losing all that blood."

"I'm cold and in pain, arguing is the last thing I want to do," Garrus said after sighing.

She bit back all her retorts. She tried to think, but her head hurt from crying so much. If the Alliance hadn't come they'd have a free way off the planet. Then again, the two of them probably wouldn't have left the base alive. How she hated that something always went wrong. Even now when they were finally free nothing was how she imagined. Why couldn't things go right, just once?

"Shepard, I won't die on my way home after surviving all this," he took her hands in his. "It's a good plan, I know you will find a way to get me through radar. Besides, nothing would change even if we chose to wait. The moment you show up, they'll take you away."

"You're right," she agreed. He was in just as much danger trying to leave as he'd be if they stayed. "Let's try to get you up."

She pulled him up by his hands, both of them groaning, and he needed to lean against the tree in order to remain upright. She put her arm around his back to help and when they tried to walk a few steps Shepard realized how heavy he was. She wouldn't be able to move him alone if he collapsed, but he seemed stable enough even though it obviously hurt to move.  
They walked slowly and Shepard constantly recalculated the way towards the shuttle. She was afraid he couldn't keep this up for long and that she had made a mistake and ran in the wrong direction. But before she could really start worrying, the small Alliance vehicle appeared between the trees. She sighed in relief. When they reached it, Shepard helped Garrus sit down and went to check if it was ready for use. 

When she returned she had a few packs of medigel in her hands. She had heard that it can help no matter what species and Garrus' wound had probably opened after the walk. He was sitting with his eyes closed and his shirt still pressed against the injury. She gently freed it from his grip and pealed of the makeshift compress. He watched her carefully as she dropped on her knees and applied the cool medicine.

"Remember how you did this for me?" she asked. 

"It feels so long ago," he said. "Is the shuttle alright?"

"Yes, everything's functional. Wait for my signal and then leave fast," she answered. "I'll give you the short course on piloting this one."

"No need, it looks really similar to turian designs," he shook his head. "Besides I'll have enough free time to read the manual."

"You should use that time to rest," Shepard finished tending his wound and discarded the empty packages. 

"It'll be alright," Garrus reassured her. 

There was a bit of an awkward pause. Shepard had no reason to stay any longer and the sooner she'd get off the planet, the sooner Garrus could leave as well. Something held her back, she didn't want to leave. She looked at him, waiting for him to say goodbye, but he remained silent. 

"I guess this is it," she said, getting up. Her feet felt heavy. "I wish I could express how grateful I am, but I'm not good at those talks. I won't forget you."

"I won't forget you either," Garrus said, taking her hand and squeezing it lightly. "I wish I had met you under different circumstances, got to know you better…"

"Who knows, maybe we'll get a chance, the galaxy can be a small place," she smiled weakly. Shepard leaned down to give him a small hug and said: "Stay safe."

"You too," he answered and when she let go, he got up from the seat. He held the door open for her, but didn't step out when she left. 

There was nothing holding her back now. When he'd disappear from her sight, he'd be out of her life as well. They might never see each other again. He could die without reaching his destination or she'd get killed in some assignment. The future was such a strange thing to think about now that she knew for sure she'd have one. But she'd never forget this place or Garrus. There were so many emotions and even though it wasn't like her to talk about it, Shepard couldn't just let it end without trying. 

"Garrus," she said before the door shut. He turned around and looked at her, leaning against the aisle. "I…" she hesitated. She didn't know what she was trying to say, there were so many things, but they were all tangled up and no matter how hard she tried, the right words remained hidden somewhere deep inside that knot and wouldn't leave her lips. "I just wanted to say…" she tried again. She didn't want to leave like this with so many things unsaid. They barely knew each other yet shared some strange bond. She wasn't sure what it was and therefor no matter how hard she tried there was nothing to say. It was too soon.

"Shepard..." he said, his voice soft and gaze warm.

"Goodbye and good luck," she finally got out.

He nodded, but didn't go back inside the shuttle. She could feel his eyes following her until she disappeared into the trees. She felt like such a coward, so useless, unable to formulate something that felt so simple and obvious. Shepard wondered if he knew though, if he felt the same… But she didn't dare to go back to find out. He had become her weakness, one that could kill her. She would be tempted to stay longer, make sure he was fine and after that she might not want to leave because it was easier to be with him than deal with what had happened. It was better to step back before she destroyed her chances for normal life by following some crazy affection formed under such circumstances as theirs. She didn't even dare to look back. 

After that everything went as planned. She returned to the base and finally met the Alliance. It was such relief to be amongst humans. She didn't know anyone, but there was a strange sense of belonging and safety. They questioned her on the ship and Shepard kept silent about what was done to her. She showed them her hands and said that the turians had only interrogated her, tortured her sometimes, but when asked about sexual abuse, she denied it had happened. She didn't plan on mentioning it ever, especially not to some Alliance psychologist. She'd still get sent to go through therapy, but this way it would end sooner.

Shepard found that no one from the ground team or doctors knew why the base was attacked. There really was peace between humans and turians now, but the order was to kill every turian in there. The official dates of the mission were changed to one day before the treaty took effect. Shepard had an idea about the true reason behind the massacre. Turians finally decided to get rid of the criminals and found a convenient way to do it. But she didn't share her theory with anyone. She didn't want to get into a trouble later because she knew too much. 

Strangely enough even getting Garrus away was easy. The monitoring systems weren't watched nearly as carefully as during the war and she managed to hack into them to let one Alliance shuttle slip through. Shepard was so used to the punishments and troubles that now she caught herself making up scenarios about what still might go wrong. She was safe, Garrus likely was as well, but she had a feeling she'd keep expecting the worse for the rest of her life. 

*** Ten years later***

It was like taking a blow to the chest. Shepard forgot how to breathe for a minute and the only thing she heard was her own heartbeat. Two turians were standing before her, arguing and she couldn't make herself to move past them, because she knew one of them. Garrus. He looked exactly the same, maybe a bit taller and muscular, maybe it was just the armor. But his blue markings, voice, and even the way he moved was the same. She stood there like an idiot despite the Council waiting for her and the confused soldiers behind her. How could it be that from all those billions of turians in the galaxy she ran into him? 

When the other turian left, he introduced himself, talked about Saren a bit and left when Alenko reminded her about the meeting. He acted like a professional, not giving away that they've met before and all she could do was try to keep up. It was rare for her to get shaken like this. Then again, after all he reminded her of, it shouldn't really be surprising. Until this day, she didn't even know if he had survived his journey in that stolen shuttle. 

It seemed like she wouldn't get away from him so easily. The first thing she had to do after the meeting was finding him. It really didn't help that she didn't know the Citadel at all and had to waste hours to locate him. While it usually would grate on her nerves, she barely paid any attention to that. She had time to think, to prepare for seeing him again. All her confidence seemed to be disappearing when it came to facing Garrus, showing him what kind of person she'd become.

They didn't have time for that. It was all about getting evidence now, no time for emotions or talks, but she wasn't exactly upset about it. Shepard didn't want relive her darkest moments, didn't want to admit how weak and stupid she used to be. She hated everything about that period and when the memories came back on cold nights, sometimes she even hated Garrus because he had kept her alive. Sometimes she hated him because he wasn't there with her. But the loneliness had made her stronger. 

As they fought together, she realized he had changed as well, had grown skilled, confident, deadly. She remembered the turian that had saved her, how he doubted his own choices, how hurt he had looked. Now it all was replaced by fire, the same that drove her forward. There was only work for both of them and no emotion slipped past their masks. It was strange how, despite being from different species, living in different environments they had matured in the same ways. Shepard slowly realized that they still could work together, that she wanted someone who would understand and support her on her team. 

When the investigation on the Citadel was over and she was made a Spectre, it was time to ask him to continue working with her, but he had disappeared, gone back to work for C-Sec most likely. They hadn't spoken about collaborating longer, but she expected him to at least to stay to congratulate her or wish good luck. She wasn't entirely sure about him anymore. She might've misjudged Garrus. But even if it was so, she had to see him one more time, make sure who he was now and in the worst case say goodbye. 

When the Normandy was ready for departure, she messaged him to meet her at Choras Den and he agreed. Shepard knew her crew was surprised that they didn't leave right away, but that would be nothing compared to when they'd find out a turian would join them. She probably should've been concerned about possible incidents, not amused by imagining their faces, but she really couldn't help it. If she had learned to trust him, they will too. 

When she arrived at the club and found Garrus sitting at the furthest corner, hiding from curious glances as much as he could, it felt just like in the Citadel tower, like she was seeing him for the first time after ten years. She stood a few steps from his table, looking at him not as a soldier, but as a man she once held dear. When he raised his head and saw her, she finally approached. 

"I'm glad you agreed to see me," she said, sitting down and ordering a drink. 

"You doubted I would?" he asked. "Though your choice of place is rather interesting."

"I'm new to the Citadel," Shepard explained, "and it seemed that here no one would care if a human and a turian had a few drinks together."

"You're right about that I guess," he said and a slightly uncomfortable silence settled between them. She had so much to ask, so much to tell, but she couldn't figure out how to start.

"You seem to be doing well," he finally spoke. 

"I am, more or less," she said. "You probably have a nice position in C-Sec to be trusted with investigating the Council's best Spectre."

"It might look that way, but my job is nothing but a big joke," he answered bitterly. "I'm spending more time filing papers than actually catching criminals. And when I get a chance to do something useful, I'm hampered by red tape at every step."

"Then come with me," she blurted out. "No rules, no red tape, no papers."

He was silent for a long time, watching her intently. "I thought you might ask me. But you already have a good team."

Shepard shook her head. "I got brainwashed by a statue because one idiot couldn't keep his hands off it. There's something really suspicious about William's service record considering just how good she is with her guns. You know better than me what reputation quarians and krogans have, besides Wrex is a merc. They're all exceptionally good at what they do, but it doesn't mean I trust them."

"And you would trust me?" Garrus asked. "It's been a long time, Shepard. I'm not the same person that saved you."

"If we got into a situation like that again, would you act differently?" she asked.

"I wouldn't need you to talk me into revenge," he said, leaning back, "but, no, I could never stand aside and watch something like that happen."

"See, you haven't changed that much," she smiled, but then added seriously: "I know it might get difficult to work with someone who reminds you of the darkest time in your past and if you don't think you can do it, I'll understand. Besides, I'm not quite the same either."

"I don't think that'll be a problem," Garrus said after sipping his drink. "I've put most of that behind me, and at worst, with you near I'd have to deal with what's left."

It was the same for Shepard. She knew she'd never get over those weeks completely, but it didn't get in her way anymore. Sometimes she could go for months without remembering it. There really wasn't a better remedy against bad memories than knowing she had killed most of them herself or imagining her enemies on missions had Avitus' face. Even if it'd turn out that she and Garrus could no longer be near each other, he could always come back to the Citadel. 

"I meant to write you a few times," he spoke, making her switch her attention back to the conversation.

"You knew what I was doing?" she asked, surprised.

"You're not exactly leading a quiet life," Garrus smiled. "Right now you're in the news because you became the first human Spectre and just a few days ago because of Eden Prime. Before that there was Torfan…"

She looked at him intently when he mentioned the name and it didn't slip past him. 

"I'm not reproaching, I know most people considers what happened there a mistake, but I would've done the same," he almost touched her hand, but drew back before they made contact. 

"That's why I want you to come with me," Shepard said. "You'd understand my choices. Back then on Torfan I realized that what those slavers had made others go through wasn't much different than what Avitus did to us. There would've been more victims if those batarians got free than those men that died fighting them."

"I know, you did the right thing." There was a long pause before Garrus spoke again. "Do you ever wonder if you'd have done things the way you did if you hadn't been caught? If we're his…"

"… if we're his legacy?" she finished in his place and Garrus nodded. "I can't say I don't enjoy putting a hole in a criminal's head or that I'm not repeating vengeance for what was done to us in my head on some missions. Killing is a soldier's job and no one made me stay with the Alliance. But I'm not raping, torturing or killing innocent people yet, so maybe there's still hope."

"I didn't mean it like that," he shook his head. 

"I know," she took his hand. "I've had these thoughts as well, but someone has to get their hands dirty. Might as well be me," she said, stroking his fingers where his talons were. They had regrown quite a bit. "Why didn't you tell me what cutting them means? I wouldn't have asked you to do it."

"At that time I didn't think I'd live long enough for it to matter and I didn't want to hurt you more," he explained and turned her hands to inspect her little fingers. "Prosthesis?"

"Yeah, works almost as good as the originals," she said, bending them. "Got them a few months after leaving the base," she raised her head to look at him. "Will you come with me, Garrus?"

"Yes," he let go of her hands and stood up. "I'll take a few things from my apartment and meet you at your ship."

"Can I come with you?" she asked. 

"Sure."

They walked slowly and most of the time Shepard let Garrus do the talking. She had missed him during those long years and after finally speaking with him about the past, Avitus, and what they had become, she felt more at peace. She didn't think things would go wrong with him on board, they'd been through too much to let memories crush them and having him next to her made her feel safe. During their time apart she often wondered if there would be anything left from the feelings she had for him when they'd meet again it and it truly surprised her how much had stayed unchanged. 

"I'm really grateful for this chance," he said when they arrived at Normandy and waited for the decontamination cycle to end. "Would you prefer if I expressed it in words or gestures?"

She turned to ask him what he meant, but then noticed the small smirk on his face and realized what he was talking about. 

"Been waiting long to say that?" she crossed her hands over her chest. 

"A few years," he admitted. "Since I saw this human couple being rather passionate. My first thought was 'Someone did something grand'. Then some extranet searches…"

Shepard couldn't help it, she had to laugh at the mental image. "For my defense, back then it was a way to thank you. And I was young, dumb and confused."

"Does that mean you won't do that again?" he asked, jokingly. 

The door opened before them and they stepped in the ship. 

"Think you could earn it for the second time?" she asked, but then saw Joker, Kaidan and Ashley in the cockpit looking rather dumbfounded. The smile disappeared from her face instantly. She had no idea how much they had heard, but just the sight of their commander bringing a turian on board or having a light conversation with one would be enough to catch them off guard. 

"We're leaving tomorrow morning, we'll go after that matriarch's daughter. Be ready," she told them sternly. Then she turned around and gestured for him to follow as she went further in the ship. 

"Why do I have a feeling you're not the easygoing type of commanding officer?" he commented when they were out of earshot. 

"You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into," she answered, patting his shoulder.


End file.
